INTRO
Amir: Hey, you're watching Jake versus Amir.
Jake: Jake AND Amir.
Slapping noise.
Jake: OW! What was that?
Amir: I slapped your back.
Jake: I know!
Phone rings.
Dave: What is that?
Jake: I think it's Amir's office phone.
Dave: Amir has an office phone?
Phone rings again.
Jake: I guess. Hey! Yo, this weekend we should, uh...
Dave: Uh, nope.
Phone rings again, Amir's voice plays on message machine.
Amir: Hey, it's Amir. I know this is a prank call, Leron so don't f**king bother leaving a message because I WON'T BELIEVE YOU.
Message machine beeps. Amir's voice is heard leaving a voicemail to himself.
Amir: Hey Amir, it is I. You. Me. It's you, Amir. Lost again on my way to work. Or should I say YOUR way to work. But that is nay the point of this meeseege. The following is a note to my future self: firstly, don't tell Jake you got lost. Tell him you were at an Oscar after party, he'll think you're connected and cool. If he asks where the party is, spin another golden lie out of NOTHING. Shit, you forgot socks this morning, you idiot. This, coupled with the fact that you already forgot your shoes is gonna make you look like a real DUMBWAD. Okay, if Jake makes fun of you, just try and kick Pat in the face. Oh! Remember to look up the name of that song that's in your head right now.
Amir singing: Oh, say can you see--
Horn blaring loudly.
Amir: AAAAAOOWWW! Oh! And remember that sick freestyle that was in your head this morning! Okay, here it is.
Amir rapping: Oh no, boom, pee pee in your bed, like a water balloon exploded in your head. No problem son, a lot of adults wear diapers to sleep, not a peep, tell no one about your liquidatious...
Amir: And then... you couldn't think of anything to rhyme with liquidatious, okay. Oh! One last thing, grocery list okay. Buy adult diapers.
Jake picks up the phone.
Jake: Yo!
Amir: Oh, hey. Jake? (Chuckling)
Amir (sing song voice): How do you do?
Jake: Great. You know when you leave yourself a voicemail, it plays out loud so the entire office can hear it.
Amir: Oh my gosh, you'll never guess where I was this morning.
Jake: Yeah.
Amir: An Oscar after party! Okay dude, I was with Forest Whitaker, Jake!
Car horn beeps.
Amir: Forest--
Horn blares loudly again.
Amir: AAAAHHOHH!
Jake: Where are you walking?
Amir: I'm on like a really busy freeway.
THE END