Opening Sequence
Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: Duh.
Jake: Why do you have to be in the room?
Amir: I'm lonely.
Episode
(Jake is playing How to Train Your Dragon)
Jake: Dammit, stop!
(Amir comes up to Jake with a Smirnoff ice)
Amir: Um, I believe this ice is for you.
Jake: Um—
Amir: As you have just been iced!
Jake: Okay, I am not playing Bros Icing Bros.
Amir: Chug it, pledge!
Jake: This game was popular like two months ago, and nobody's playing anymore.
Amir: Do you have any idea what the punishment is for a bitching bro who doesn't wanna chug his ice?
Jake: No.
Amir: Okay, me neither. I was hoping you would. The website's kind of hazy on that.
Jake: I think you just get deactivated from the game or something.
Amir: No no no! It has to be a more severe punishment than that.
Jake: Just, shh! I don't know what it is because I'm not playing—
Amir: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug—
Pat: Shut up!
Amir: Sorry. You wouldn't want—you wouldn't want me to apologize though if you knew what this bro was doing, you'd want me to yell
chug, cause this guy—you wouldn't—you'd know—
Jake: Can you finish a sentence properly? You're stuttering, you just, y-y-y-you can't say anything right!
Amir: Okay you're frustrating me! You're—
Jake: Well still, you should be able to talk! Why don't you chug it?
Amir: Gladly!
(Amir chugs it)
Jake: Okay, now you're without an ice, so (grabs an ice), I ice you.
Amir: What.
Jake: You don't have an ice; I'm icing you.
Amir: Well, I think there's a rule that says you can't really chug two in a row, because—
Jake: Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
(Amir chugs it)
Amir: And now, since you don't have an ice, I will ice (grabs an ice) you!
(Jake grabs an ice)
Jake: Ice blocked! Sorry, now you gotta drink them both.
Amir: How do you have that?!
Jake: Why are you so drunk already?
Amir: I was iced twice on the way to work!
Jake: Wow, on the way to work?
Amir: Once on the subway, and once right in the lobby of our building!