[INTRO]
Amir: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
[pauses for Jake's reaction]
Amir: You're not going to say, Good job?
Jake: Jesus, man.
Amir: Hm, it's kinda hard to sit down with this knife in my back. Can you actually grab that for me? And don't twist it.
Jake: Just shut u-- Wow! There is a knife back here.
Amir: Okay.
Jake: It's covered in peanut butter.
Amir: I meant the imaginary one!
Jake: Still though.
Amir: I'm just nervous, you know? I love her so much and in a couple hours, she could just come in here, look me square in the eyes and go, You are the weakest link. Goodbye. [unexpectedly tapping Jake's stomach] Goodbye.
Amir: Hey, to pass the time, let's read old text messages between her and me.
Jake: No. Don't.
Amir: Last night was incredible. You made me feel like a woman again. I had no idea my breasts were so sensitive. Okay, now let's read one that she sent to me...
Amir: She's calling me! Hello? Oh my God! She's been in an accident!
Jake: Are you--
Amir: I'm kidding, you idiot.
Jake: Wow! What is wrong with you?!
Amir: What?
Amir: Hey, just so you know: Whatever happens, me and you are going to stay friends.
Jake: What if she chooses me?
Amir: Then we're through, okay? You're dead to me.
Jake: You just said whatever happens we'd stay friends.
Amir: Yeah. Sometimes I say stupid things. It's like, Hi. I'm Amir. Have we met? It's-- [gasps at seeing Lerona]
Lerona: Hey.
[Jake and Amir eagerly approach Lerona]
Lerona: So, I made my decision.
Amir: Who'd you choose?
Lerona: It was really tough. Jake, you're so thoughtful and smart and really cute... so I choose you!
[Jake and Lerona hug]
Amir: And Amir? You are...
Lerona: No.
Amir: So, I guess you made your decision.
Lerona: Yeah.
Amir: Well, let me just show you what you're going to miss:
[Amir leans in for a kiss and Lerona stops him by palming his face]
Amir: Hey! What are you doing?!
Lerona: I chose Jake!
Amir: I know. But I need to show you what you're going to miss!
Lerona: No. No. Listen, I'm... I'm really sorry.
Amir: Me too. Wait. No. I'm not sorry; I'm sad. You made me sad.
[Jake puts his arm around Lerona]
Jake: So.
Lerona: So...
[Jake and Lerona exiting building onto the street]
Jake: God, I'm so happy you chose me.
Lerona: I feel like such a bitch.
Jake: You're not a bitch.
[they kiss]
Jake: [as Lerona walks to stand in the street] Just like Aragorn said to Arwen before the Battle of Helm's Deep...
[a bus comes out of nowhere and hits Lerona]
Jake: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh no!
[END]