Intro:
Jake: You're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: So no hey?
Jake: I dunno man.
Amir: You're a dick.
Video:
Amir: Hey, do you have a minute?
Jake: No Amir, I don't, because for some reason you went onto my computer last night and you deleted every single one...
Amir: [interrupting] I'm pregnant!
Jake: You're pregnant?
Amir: Yeah.
Jake: You're pregnant?
Amir: Shit just got real, huh. Bet you feel pretty stupid for complaining about something as mondane and silly as email contacts now.
Jake: Fine, you're pregnant, ok.
Amir: Yeah, I had my doubts.
Jake: I have my doubts, yeah.
Amir: Mmhmm, but I'm fairly confident that I'm now with child.
Jake: Why don't you say all the reasons you think you're pregnant and I'll say all the reasons I think you're not.
Amir: Backaches.
Jake: You're a guy.
Amir: Headaches.
Jake: You're a guy.
Amir: Tender breasts.
Jake: You're a... tender breasts?
Amir: Very! [touches breast] Ow!
Jake: Guys can't get pregnant.
Amir: Then how do you explain my morning sickness?
Jake: What did you have for dinner last night?
Amir: 65 chicken nugget skins and an industrial size tin of expired ketchup that Leron found from an abandoned Wendy's.
Jake: So that sounds...
Amir: [interrupting] Wait, let me finish! Also some expired yoghurt, expired eggs...
Jake: [interrupting] You keep saying expired...
Amir: And something Leron calls, Satan's freckles, which is just stale wheat toast made moist in the middle by the tears that come out my eyes from when he tickles me too much.
Jake: You're not pregnant; and you shouldn't cry into bread.
Amir: I took a pregnancy test and I passed.
Jake: I doubt you've passed any test, ever.
Amir: [pulls out pregnancy test box] Ohhhhh! [in a high pitched voice]
Jake: Wow.
Amir: [pointing to pictures on the box] Plus, negative. I'm have a baby.
Jake: Did you take it out of the box?
Amir: Uhh, yes, I did.
Jake: So you didn't just pee on the box?
Amir: You think I just stood in the middle of a pharmacy and peed on a box and then they made me buy the box because they saw me pee on it?
Jake: I didn't think that 'til now. Let me see the box.
[Amir throw the box to Jake]
Jake: Yeah it's unopened and you definitely peed on it.
[Jake throws the box back to Amir]
Amir: [box lands on his chest] Ow! My tender breasts!