INTRO
A: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir, and I can dunk a basketball.
J: No one will believe that.
A: Well, they don't have to.
J: ...what?
[Jake is at work when he gets a Skype call. Disgruntled, he answers it.]
A: [singing dancing] California girls, they're unforgettable; daisy dukes, bikinis on top -
J: [interrupting] How was your aunt's funeral?
A: Fine. 'Sup with you?
J: Not much man, I'm at work.
A: Enough about me; let's talk about you.
J: ...We were.
A: [in a high-pitched voice] Check your inbox!
J: [clicks his mouse] Wow, a plane ticket.
A: Can't wait to see you, bro. [lifts up fist to the camera as if to ask Jake to props him via Skype]
J: I'm not going anywhere. [puts his fist up to the camera, doing props with Amir]
A: Nowhere but up...ON A PLANE! [imitates a plane taking off and crashing with his hand]
J: Jesus Christ, this is a first-class ticket.
A: Only the best... [cups his hands around his mouth] for the best. [laughs]
J: You shouldn't have, and not in the polite way.
A: Fully 180-degree reclinable seats, four meals...
J: [incredulous] Four meals?!
A: Yeah, one per layover.
J: Wow, yeah; you have me flying through Singapore.
A: [making a stereotypical impersonation of an Asian person] Oh!! Taseito!! Hee hee hee!! [puts up the peace sign]
J: Aren't you in Queens? 'Cause I could take the subway.
A: Subways do NOT have in-flight HD TV, bro.
J: They don't have in-flight anything.
A: That's the Lustanza difference. [winks]
J: How did you think I was going to get TO the airport?
A: Subway. Okay, I'm not paying for your cab; I'm already $2250 down in the hole. And that's cash I DON'T have.
[knock on the Amir's door]
A: Can you hold on a second?
[Amir leaves the camera so we only hear his voice and Jake's reactions]
A: What do you want, Mom?...Okay, I don't wanna SAY goodbye to Aunt Harold! She has a mustache! [higher pitch] Get OFF of me!! YOU'RE HURTING MEEEEE!!
[Jake hears a slapping noise, winces]
A: ...Ow!
[Amir sits back down, holding his cheek]
A: Hey dude, can I actually call you back?
J: We can definitely get off the phone; you don't have to worry about calling me back.
A: All right, bye. [tries to end the call, but fails] Arrrrrgghhh...uuuuuurrrrgggghhh, son of a bleach!! This frickin' krills!!! Uuuuurrrrggghhhh...gosh darnit [incoherent moans]
J: [watching uncomfortably] Dude, you have to hang up. You have to hang up; press the X.
A: [looks at the camera] ...What are you still doing here? Your flight's in 20 minutes. And take the subway!!
END