INTRO
Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Am-
Amir (interrupting): OW! I stubbed my toe!
Jake: How? You weren't moving.
Amir: Oh yeah! I'm fine.
Amir: What are you doing, and don't say pooing. (laugh) I'm a poet and I didn't even know that I was one of them.
Jake: You know, that sounded really planned out actually, and you still didn't get it right.
Amir: Private, answer the captain's question!
Jake: I'm filling out my world cup bracket.
Amir: Oooh, very good, but a little too late.
Jake: It's not too late, it starts this weekend.
Amir: Yes. Oh, 2010 world cup.
Jake: Yeah.
Amir: Who ya got?
Jake: I have U-
Amir (interrupting): Who ya got?
Jake: I'll tell you-
Amir (interrupting): Who ya got, ya got, ya got shot (loud farting/shitting noise) Ohhh, no, excuse me Mr.
Officer!
Jake: Go to the bathroom.
Amir: Stop yelling about it!
Jake: I'm not yelling about it, you just screamed 'excuse me Mr. Officer' and you clearly shit your pants, so go to the bathroom.
Amir: Why don't you be a little more loud about it, ok? I don't think everybody on the third floor heard you.
Jake: We're on the third floor
Amir: Who ya got?
Jake: I got Spain. Go to the bathroom.
Amir: You have Spain going to the bathroom?
Jake: Y-yeah, no...
Amir: Aha, Jake has Spain going to the bathroom!
Patrick: What smells like shit?
Amir: Oh, fuck me, Jake, you have to help me out. Cmon' they're onto us!
Jake: They're on to you, I have nothing to do with this.
Amir: Jake shit his pants!
Amir: I'm so sorry, I owe you one.
Jake: You shouldn't have called any attention to it, ok? Why don't you just say you farted
Amir: I did fart, but then I shit, ok? I'm not going to lie about it.
Jake: I don't understand why you haven't gone to the bathroom yet.
Amir: Who ya got?
Jake: You know who I got, I got Spain.
Murph: Ah, yeah. Something definitely smells like shit.
Amir: Oh sheesh y'all, 'tis a nightmare!
Jake: You can still get out of this.
Amir: Ok, just tell me what to do and I'll do it-
Jake (talking over Amir): Go to the bathroom.
Amir (talking over Jake): I swear I'll do it.
Jake: Go to the bathroom-
Amir (said as Jake repeats 'Go to the bathroom'): I swear I'll do it, just tell me what to do.
Amir: (loud sharting sound) Uuuhhh, FML. Not once, big time.