Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.
Amir: Wow, you're so good. Why don't you just do all the intros without me?
Jake: Fine.
Amir: NO!
[Amir is playing with a Rubik's Cube.]
Jake: Wow, you are still playing with that toy.
Amir: Uh, it's not a toy; it's a 3D puzzle game. Yeah...
Jake: (mocking Amir) It's not a toy; it's a 3D puzzle game, meah MEAH! You know what you sound like, man? Heh... Show me how to solve it.
Amir: Show you?
Jake: Just show me how to solve it.
Amir: Oh, teach you how to solve the cube?
Jake: No, no, no, what could you possibly teach me?
Amir: Uh... how to.. solve it.
Jake: Okay, well then why aren't you doing it?
Amir: Um... I will. Okay, so basically, it's simple. The first step is—
Jake: Amir, Amir, I know it's simple. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to do it. [Jake smooches.]
Amir: Right. I guess so. Uh, you don't know how to do it, though, so...
Jake: Why don't you teach me how to do it; then I'll show you how well I can do it, a LOT weller than you could ever do it.
Amir: Weller. Okay, uh, so the first step is to do the entire front face the same, so right now—
Jake: And then all the other steps are getting all of the other blocks the same, right? Why don't you not tell me WHAT to do, but tell me HOW to do it? How! Now!
Amir: Okay (said as Oh-kay)... uh, yeah. So, well, then it's not called blocks; it's called cubes.
Jake: Okay, cool. You're gonna treat me like a baby, then I'mma leave.
[Jake gets up halfway and pauses.]
Jake: And you're not even gonna try to stop me. WOW, you're the worst teacher ever, and yet I'm still able to learn from you. ...And I will master the art.
Amir: Uh... right, so, uh, there are algorithms in play, so you wanna—
Jake: I know what algorithms are.
Amir: I didn't say you didn't know what algorithms were.
Jake: Well, what are they?
Amir: Um, they're ways to move the cube so that you don't mess up what you already have, so right now—
Jake: I was the first kid in my grade to be able to solve one of these actually, y'know that? And then, I was like, Oh, there's a lot more important things to worry about, like getting laid! So I became the master of that.
Amir: ...Right. So this one's called Right Inverted, Down Inverted, Right, Down.
Jake: I'm gonna beat you right down, if you don't slow down, right now, okay? All of that went right over my head.
Amir: Right, well, we're getting close, so just pay attention.
Jake: How random would it be if I just punched you in the head right now?
[Jake starts raising his fist repeatedly.]
Jake: Right, directly, in the skull. Knocked out your lights.
Amir: Whoa.
Jake: Scared? Scared? Who has the upper hand? 'Cause you know what, kid? There are book smarts, and there are street smarts. And I got both; you got neith—
Amir: Done! Hehe.
[Amir hands Jake the Rubik's Cube, gets up, and leaves out the door.]
Jake: Wow, that took you, like, four hours. Congratulations, that was amazing. The—the slowest solving of the Rubik's Cube ever!
[Jake gets up and moves to the door.]
Jake: Wow, check it out! I got—yo, I solved the cube! Everybody!
[Jake tries to turn the door knob.]
Jake: Very funny; who locked the door?
[Jake is still locked in the room.]
Jake: I might run out of air in here!
[Jake takes out his phone.]
Jake: (high-pitched voice) Oh no! I'm gonna die! (normal voice) No, I'm not, 'cause I have a cell phone, and I'll text someone to come let me out!
THE END