INTRO
AMIR: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir!
JAKE: Good job.
AMIR: --biiitch!
JAKE: ..Never mind.
SARAH, JAKE and PAT are sitting on a couch, laughing and smiling. PAT is holding a picture in his hands.
PAT: Yes-- so, I-- I used to be a little fat.
JAKE: (takes the picture from PAT) A little fat? C'mon man, you're a blimp in this picture. There's nothing little about it.
SARAH: (takes the picture from JAKE) I can't tell if this is a family photo or if it's just you. (JAKE lets out a laugh)
PAT: ..Alright, alright.
JAKE: More like Fat Cassels, right?
SARAH (laughing): Nice!
AMIR shows up, holding a Rubik's Cube and laughing.
PAT mumbles something, before everyone stops laughing and turn to look at AMIR.
JAKE (to AMIR): What're you laughing about?
AMIR: Same.
JAKE: Same what?
AMIR: Same same.
JAKE: Same same what?
AMIR: Same same thing that you jokesters are laughing about.
SARAH: (shows the picture to AMIR) We're laughing about this.
AMIR takes the picture.
AMIR: (looking at the picture, smiling and laughing as he speaks) Oh my jee!
JAKE: Hey, don't make fun of him too much, Pat might get mad and eat us.
Everyone laughs, except PAT.
AMIR: Hey, I'd give Pat a candy bar but he'd just eat it! (laughs) ..No, I'm just messin' with you guys. (clears throat awkwardly)
JAKE: Well, I'm gonna go back to w--
AMIR: Ww- Pat! I saw Pat eating a sandwich yesterday. Lettuce, cheese, tomato-- everything. And what he didn't finish, he just threw away. (to PAT) What's the matter Pat, ain't you ever heard of leftovers for dinner? (laughs)
SARAH (to AMIR): Are you calling him fat or wasteful?
AMIR: Whatever, it's all the same, right, tubby?
SARAH: Are you calling *me* fat?
AMIR: ..No.
AMIR (to PAT): Hey Pat, I'd give you a gift certificate to a restaurant, (to all three) but he'd probably just spend it! (laughs)
PAT: ..Yeah..
AMIR: At the restaurant, maybe. (smirks)
PAT: ..I would.
AMIR: Oh my god, this guy's too fat to even realize he's admitting it! (laughs, then makes a farting noise with his mouth) Pat farted! (quietly) No...
JAKE: Wow, that was really bad.
AMIR: What? Smelled bad maybe.
JAKE: So you did hear me.
AMIR: Yeah, smelled like food, (pointing at PAT) 'cuz that's what this guy had.. for breakfast. Gobble, gobble (acting out putting stuff into his mouth).
PAT: That's what-- (AMIR: Gobble) --That is what everyone has for breakfast.
AMIR: I KNOW. I'm messing with you, maan.
PAT: Yeah, well you're really bad at it.
AMIR: No.
SARAH: Yeah seriously Amir, don't make fun of me, I don't want anyone to know I had food for breakfast.
Everyone laughs.
AMIR (interrupting shouting over the laughing): Yeah well at least my little brother didn't die!
Everyone stops laughing.
PAT: (quietly, to himself) Ahm..
AMIR: ..So.
Several more seconds of silence pass.
AMIR: (quietly, with silence in between) Um. Um. No... So.
PAT pats JAKE's leg and stands up. He pats Amir on the shoulder before walking away.
PAT (sniffs, almost crying): Fine. It's funny man. Really funny.
AMIR: C'mon! I was messing with him!