INTRO:
AMIR: For all of us here at Jake and Amir, happy holidays
JAKE: Wow, not even close.
AMIR: Whateva
EPISODE:
AMIR: UHHHHHH what book are you reading?
JAKE: It's a newspaper.
AMIR: No shit, that's why I asked what you were reading.
JAKE: Okay, what?
AMIR: Okay what?
JAKE: I was reading about this oil spill.
AMIR: Tell me about it. No news is good new though.
JAKE: Well there is news and its bad news.
AMIR: Yeah that's why... It proves my point.
JAKE: I hate when you're accidentally right.
JAKE: Basically there was an accident and there is a well pumping hundreds of thousands of gallons of oil into the ocean every single day.
AMIR: What's the big deal, just stuff it with garbage, that's what I would do.
JAKE: Wow they actually thought of that and it's insanely disappointing that you're coming up with the same solutions as they are.
AMIR: Yeah... disappointing for me? Err...
JAKE: For the world.
AMIR: For the wolf.
JAKE: For the world.
AMIR: I think the scariest thing isn't the rate at which the oil is spilling but rather spiders! Okay those things are freaky for real.
JAKE: Yeah.
AMIR: "Yeah" you agree or "Yeah" you're just getting me to shut up?
AMIR: If you could change one thing about the oil spill what would it be...
JAKE: The rig would never explode
AMIR: ...and why? Hmm, little harder than you thought.
AMIR: Soil, foil, Susan Boyle.
JAKE: Can you go back to your desk?
AMIR: Noil
AMIR: Drill baby drill huh, more like kill baby krill.
JAKE: That's actually kind of clever.
AMIR: If only krill was a word.
JAKE: Okay never mind.
AMIR: Yeah forget it. Forget it, it's got it, it's gone.
JAKE: Yup.
AMIR: There's this episode of Saved by the Bell where uh...
JAKE: With the oil spill?
AMIR: No the one where Zach impersonates a Russian chess player from Valley and let's Screech beat him.
JAKE: Why would you bring that up now?
AMIR: Cuz it's funny!
AMIR: As sad as this whole oil spill thing is, it might be like the one catalyst that sort of springs us and the world in general to sort of think about alternative energy sources going forward.
JAKE: You might be right, you might be right.
AMIR: Yeah... I'm just KIDDING you idiot! Haha you Carfucker I got you! Yeah how about an automobile that runs on ocean water so that when the ocean water spills into the ocean nobody gives a crap? How about...
AMIR: You know this whole thing wouldn't be an issue if oil was more dense than water, like I suggested!
AMIR: Ah no no no kay kay kay, here we go. How about an automobile that's run on stupid ideas so we can just hook a pump to your ass and you can fart out these shitty ill-conceived notions for the rest of time and we can just power every car in America for the next thirty years. How 'bout that! Or, what about, thinking solar for once.