INTRO
Amir: You're watching the season finale of Jake and Amir
Jake: We're not a TV show
Amir: Why not?
~
Amir: Well, well, well! Look who decided not to show up in the office today!
Jake: We're at the office.
Amir: Really? Even this room?
What that is?
Jake: I'm doing my taxes and I don't have a lot of time so please give me a second.
Amir: Okay I am NOT doing my taxes!
Jake: You have to do your taxes.
Amir: Not me! Not legally!
Jake: Yes, legally.
Amir: Okay, gimme them. Gimme the taxes then, because I haven't done mine either!
Jake: Did you make any charitable donations this year?
Amir: Yeah, I think I gave a boatload of money to the Amir Blumenfeld Foundation for NOT GIVIN' A SHIT!
Jake: No.
Amir: No no no, it's a fully accredited not for profit that sorta specializes in NOT GIVIN' A SHIT! Invented in 1983 by me when I decided to dedicate my life to NOT GIVIN' A SHIT!
Alright, dependence. I depend on you.
Jake: That's so sad.
Amir: Sad, but true.
Jake: it's sad because it's true.
Amir: Yeah, i'm gonna write you, and then with an arrow.
Jake: Yeah, they'll get that...
Amir: Don't move!
You know its fun! Like every year we have this gala and we invite New York's elite and everyone brings books, supplies, art supplies, stuff of that nature and we just donate it to New York's intercity NOT GIVIN A SHIT!
Okay, for expenses, can I expense the McDonalds food that I eat?
Jake: Maybe if McDonalds was your job.
Amir: Well i eat McDonalds like its my job! No, but i'll write it down.
Jake: your skin looks really yellow.
Amir: Thank you!
Jake: Okay do you have any other source of income besides your salary, like do you do freelance?
Amir: Ha, you said dodo!
Jake: I didn't actually--
Amir: Do you do!
Jake: Yeah well there's a you in there
Amir: Still.
Vice President Algor is actually coming this year and giving the keynote and addressing the need for everybody to just come together and NOT GIVE A SHIT!
Alright we can work on these taxes, or we can work on a rap.
Jake: Let's finish the taxes--
Amir: Yo so, taxes are fun but--oh, sorry. Urgh i thought you were gonna say rap for sure.
Taxin, its relaxin!
Jake: I didn't say rap.
Amir: Ok well i thought you changed your mind!
Oh I have something to declare! your jeans like incredible, so...
Yeah we have this really fancy dinner that's like $2,000 a head but everyone gets like this dry-aged prime rib with mashed potatoes and vegetables and for dessert they cart out this heaping helpful of--
Jake: Not givin a shit?
Amir: No it's like dulce de leche pancakes with like marzipan and they top it all off with a nice little coat of NOT GIVIN A SHIT!
THE END