INTRO:
JAKE: Hey, you're watching Ja--
AMIR: Cuuut, cutcutcutcut--
JAKE: Why?
AMIR: I don't know, I don't know what cut means.
[Jake and Amir are sitting across from each other at their desks.]
AMIR: Holy GUAC. This iPad thing is ridinkydonky; I need one, bababababaaadd!
JAKE: Why?
AMIR: This iPad thing is ridickydonk; I need one, bad.
JAKE: Do you think I said what??
AMIR: A loser says what?
JAKE: ...
AMIR: ...Wat?
JAKE: I didn't say anything.
AMIR: I thought you said what, which would make you a loser!
JAKE: Yeah, I didn't. You did, which makes you a--
AMIR: NO!
JAKE: (under his breath) Fine.
AMIR: This iPad thing is crazy though. I never wanted anything more in my entire life--
JAKE: Why do you think you need one?
AMIR: It revolutionizes it!
JAKE: What's it? What is it revolutionizing?
AMIR: It's just crazy how they made it.. it's so small.
JAKE: It's not that small.
AMIR: It's enormous.
JAKE: No. It's not--
AMIR: And that's crazy because it's weightless!
JAKE: No, it's not.
AMIR: It's completely weightless.
JAKE: No, No.
AMIR: Yeah.
JAKE: Name one thing that it does.
AMIR: Nothing! It does everything!
JAKE: Ok, so not nothing.
AMIR: Exactly. (winking and pointing at Jake)
JAKE: Don't say exactly and go like this (imitating Amir), like you did something smart, because you're very dumb, okay, it didn't make any--
PAT: Hey, Jake, why are you giving Amir such a hard time, man? I head you say you wanted the iPad yourself, what's up?
JAKE: Okay, yeah, I know why it's so great though.
PAT: Why?
JAKE: (stuttering) It's a new way to view it,
PAT: Oh, view what?
JAKE: Media... and, it's got.. um.. there are.. it's got apps, you can check your email,
PAT: Apps, email, cuz you can check your email on your phone you know, and your computer--
JAKE: Shut up. Shut up, man, okay. You're putting me on the spot. (stuttering) It revolutionizes it!
PAT: Well you know what I think? (slightly laughing) I think you kinda sound like Amir at this point-- (smiling, touching Amir's shoulder)
AMIR: Okay he told you to shut up, Pat; BUTT OUT!
PAT: Whoah!
AMIR: Ok this is an A to B conversation, so C your way out of it, right? C your way out of D room.. that's right, get E-way! Get the F away! G, you're still H-ere? I don't know why, because I, J told you to K..
JAKE: He's gone.
AMIR: L.
END.