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Video Letter to Mom

Episode ID: 31

Air date: 2007-08-16

Video: Link

Scribe: u/wiki

[Amir is holding and talking into the camera, walking on the street.]

AMIR: Hi mom! Thanks for buying me this video camera. I know you wanted me to use it to document what I do on a day-to-day basis, so I'm gonna do exactly that. This is my video letter to you. Usually, I start every day by going over to my best friend Jake's house, who lives right here. (Presses a button on a nearby apartment building to buzz Jake) He's expecting me.

JAKE: (talking through the buzzer) Hello?

AMIR: It's me!

JAKE: What the hell are you doing here?

AMIR: I know you wanted to see what I do on a day-to-day basis, so this is my video letter to you. Usually, I start every day by visiting my best friend Jake, who lives right here. (Buzzes Jake) He's expecting me.

JAKE: (talking through the buzzer) Agh. Come on up.

AMIR: See?

(Amir knocks on Jake's apartment door. Jake opens it.)

JAKE: You have twenty minutes.

AMIR: Ok, cut. Don't-

(Amir, outside the apartment again, knocks shave and a haircut; Jake opens the door.)

JAKE: Stay as long as you want.

(AMIR knocks the first part of shave and a haircut; Jake opens, and does the two bits part vocally.)

JAKE: Da da!

(Amir enters, and turns the camera to a woman sitting on the couch)

AMIR: Oh! Mara's here. (turns the camera to Jake) Kind of a third wheel, right?

[Amir is facing the camera again]

AMIR: Jake usually has food prepared for me when I get here. What's for brunch today, Jake? (Turns the camera to Jake.)

JAKE: Here you go. (Tosses a bag of buns to Amir)

AMIR: Okay, come on. What is this?

[Jake is preparing a bowl of cereal.]

JAKE: Honey Nut Cheerios, your favorite.

(Amir is sitting at the table, facing the camera)

AMIR: Brunch was delicious! Now we usually see a movie. What's it today, partner-in-life?

JAKE: Absolutely not.

AMIR: Rush Hour 3?

JAKE: No.

AMIR: Come on, man. Come on. (Puts the camera down) 20 bucks. 20 bucks for the movie.

JAKE: 40.

[Amir is facing the camera again]

AMIR: Now we usually see a movie. What's it today, buddy?

JAKE: It's Rush Hour 3.

AMIR: Wow, Rush Hour 3. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

JAKE: That's Rush Hour 1.

[Jake and Amir are still at the table, the camera turned on Jake.]

AMIR: How was the movie, Jake?

JAKE: It was good.

AMIR: What was your favorite part?

JAKE: (unenthusiastically) The karate.

AMIR: Come on.

[Jake is in the bathroom talking to Mara, and Amir is surreptitiously filming them through the partially opened door.]

AMIR: (to the camera) Mom, take a look. Jake and his girlfriend are in the bathroom together.

Mara: I want him the FUCK out of here, Jake!

JAKE: Alright, calm down! I'll tell him to leave right now.

(Amir runs back to the kitchen.)

AMIR: Um. Usually, we play videogames after the movie.

[Amir is filming himself in the mirror, pretending to walk down nonexistent stairs; he notices Jake.]

AMIR: What's up man? Hey, uh, videogames.

JAKE: Right, no. You gotta get out of here.

AMIR: What?

JAKE: Sorry, uh, you just gotta go.

AMIR: What's up?

JAKE: Nothing, it's just time to leave.

AMIR: Okay. Uh, totally, thank you so much for all this.

JAKE: Hey listen... 100 bucks, and you can hug me.

AMIR: 100 bucks for... and I get to hug you?

JAKE: Yeah.

AMIR: On video. Definitely.

JAKE: Alright.

AMIR: Hold this. (He hands Jake the camera; sounds of him counting money can be heard.) Alright, fine. I only have 80 left, but...

Mara: Jake!

JAKE: See you later.

AMIR: Come on, man! I'll give you 20...

JAKE: There's an ATM around the corner.

Mara: Jake!

AMIR: I'll be--

JAKE: Go, quick.

AMIR: I'll be back in, like, less than two minutes. Where is it?

JAKE: Around the corner. This is still taping.

AMIR: Turn it off, I'll be back--

[Amir is talking to the camera, still in Jake's apartment.]

AMIR: Alright, time to go! Uh, hold this. One second. (Gives the camera to Mara.) Later man. (Hugs Jake.)

JAKE: See you later.

AMIR: Bye mom!

(THANKS MOM displays, with Thong Song by Sisqó playing)

[Mara is still holding the camera, pointing it at Amir. Amir is waving at Jake, who is off-camera.]

AMIR: 20 for... 20, one shot waving.

(Jake comes over and starts waving at the camera with Amir, while Amir fishes out a 20 dollar bill.)

(Jake and Amir wave at the camera for a bit.)

AMIR: Thank you so much.

JAKE: Do you know how to edit?

AMIR: Yeah. No. I'll just put it in a timeline, and you export it. It's super easy. (Takes the camera back) How do you turn it off?

JAKE: Right there. Top.

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