[Intro]
Amir: [mumbling] Hey you're watching Jake and Amir
Jake: Wow, are you ok?
Amir: I think I'm gonna throw up [wretches]
Jake: Oh no!
[Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks, Amir sneezes]
Jake: You know if you're sick you should just go home
Amir: You'd love that wouldn't you?
Jake: Yes
[Amir sneezes again]
Amir: Well, sorry but I'm not sick, alright? Never have... [silence]
Jake: Usually people follow that up with never will
Amir: Well you never know right?
Jake: But you're definitely sick
Amir: Alright, this is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna cough in your mouth, if you're not sick in two days, I was right. If you are sick in two days we'll chalk that up to being a weird coincidence and we'll call it a draw
Jake: Okay so there's no way that I'm right?
Amir: That's correct
Jake: Then why on earth would I let you cough into my mouth?
Amir: I am that confident
Jake: I'm not questioning your confidence, I'm questioning what you're confident of
Amir: Okay, now you're not making sense. Just get over here buttfucker!
Jake: Is that from something?
Amir: [Shaking his head] I dont know
Jake: That makes it so much worse, I'm not letting you sneeze into my mouth
Amir: What's the matter Jakey? 'Fraid you won't get sick?
Jake: The exact opposite actually
Amir: You're... You're not... You are not afraid that you-
Jake: You don't know what opposites are that's okay
Amir: That's fine 'cos I don't need to know what opposites are
Jake: That's technically true though you probably should
Amir: Yes well what I don't know, can't kill me
Jake: Interesting. Do you know what a heart attack is?
Amir: No
Jake: Diabetes?
Amir: No
Jake: Malnourishment?
Amir: Definitely not
Jake: Three things that can kill you. Malnourishment probably is killing you right no-
Amir: Listen, can I just come over there and-
Jake: Cough into my mouth? No. Are you crazy?
Amir: Oh I bet you think I'm so-
Jake: So predictable. Yeah, yeah I do
Amir: I wasn't gonna say that
Jake: What were you gonna say then?
[Long silence, Amir stares ahead without moving]
Jake: Did you fall asleep or something?
Amir: Buttfucker