INTRO:
AMIR: Hey, you're watching Jake and... me.
JAKE: So you forgot your own name?
AMIR: For like a second!
[Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks. Amir is drinking a glass of water while plugging his nose.]
JAKE: It'll get easier.
AMIR: Ugh it's so clear and watery!
JAKE: Well it's water.
AMIR: Yeah, well that doesn't explain why it's clear, does it, ya dumb fuck!?
JAKE: Actually it does.
AMIR: Oh, gosh.
(Amir tries to hide what he's doing as he pops open a can of Coca Cola and pours a bit into the glass of water, but fails.)
JAKE: Ok I can see what you're doing.
AMIR: Yeah, and seeing is believing, so,, and then when you believe, not at the same time as you see,--
JAKE: Alright, you know what, never mind; I'm too tired for this today, man.
AMIR: Wanna know what to do?
JAKE: No.
AMIR: Drop a pencil, right? And when you go to pick it up, (tilts his head onto his palm and closes his eyes to mime sleeping) AEH!
JAKE: (imitating Amir) AEH! What's aeh?--
AMIR: AEH!--
JAKE: What is aeh!?
AMIR: Sneak in a quick nap!--
JAKE: Finish your-- finish your sentences!
AMIR: Sneak in a quick nap.
JAKE: That's a really really dumb idea.
AMIR: Yeah, well if it's so dumb I do it all the time, and.. nobody notices.
JAKE: Everybody notices.
AMIR: Impossible.
JAKE: You know sometimes you're down there for like three hours!
AMIR: Yeah, right, it's like a second.
JAKE: It seems like that to you because you're the one sleeping.
AMIR: Exactly!
JAKE: Exactly.
(Amir smiles at Jake, thinking he got him, but then his expression turns to confusion.)
AMIR: ......wat?
JAKE: Since you're asleep, time passes quickly for you, but to everybody else, it seems like a legit three hours.
AMIR: No...
JAKE: ...Yeah.
AMIR: (Putting his hands to his head in desperation) No. Oh, fuck me.
JAKE: You know sometimes you're down there just laying there like this with your eyes open! (putting his hands behind his head)
AMIR: Ok I'm relaxing!
JAKE: I know you're relaxing, we're not debating that.
AMIR: You know what, I can't have this conversation right now, okay? I'm tired.
JAKE: ..Fine.
AMIR: (looking down as if about to pick something up off the floor) Uhh, oops.
JAKE: You didn't drop anything.
(Amir is asleep, leaning back in his chair.)
JAKE: No more hiding under the desk, right?
AMIR: (sleep-talking) AHhnno.
JAKE: (to himself, since Amir is asleep) Okay.
END.