INTRO
AMIR: Hi, my name is Amir and my favorite color is blue.
JAKE: This isn't an icebreaker.
AMIR: Ok, good, because my favorite color is really red.
(Jake tapping on desk by Amir's computer)
JAKE: Ok, is this good to send or not?
AMIR: Sorry, I haven't been reading. When you were drumming, I was kinda like getting addicted, addicted, addic-
JAKE: This is a really important e-mail, Ok, Jamie's single now, and I might have an opportunity.
AMIR: Yes, to...?
JAKE: To f- date her, to date her. (turns) Hey, Sarah. To date her.
AMIR: Date. You're sweet.
JAKE: Just read the e-mail, Ok, come on.
AMIR: Ok there. Ok, right off the bat, the first sentence is a cliche, so-
JAKE: (standing up, to everyone) Wow. I guess it's my fault for asking the least romantic person in the office to help me with an e-mail. (to Amir) Just delete the first sentence, then
AMIR: What did you say?
JAKE: If it's cliche, delete it, she might think it's cliche too.
AMIR: Ok, oh, it says I really like you twice in this first sentence.
JAKE: (standing up and clapping, to everyone) Oh my God, literary Shakespeare. Right? Congratulations, Sherlock Holme, you cracked another mystery.
AMIR: (quietly, to himself) Sherlock Shakespeare.
JAKE: Oh, way to go. (to Amir) Delete the, delete the second one then, or the first one, whichever you think- whichever you think is better.
AMIR: Thoughtful doesn't have two Ls, thoughtful, so one L.
JAKE: (interrupting) Oh my God, you're wrong there. Sorry friend, it does.
AMIR: No, it's underlined in red.
JAKE: Oh my God, spell check knows all the answers, right?
AMIR: Not all, but, it knows the words at least. (Jake gets up and starts clapping) The ones that are based on words, it knows them.
JAKE: (To everyone) Congratulations. Give it up for Amir Blumenfeld, you guys, winner of the fourth grade spelling bee, right? (grabbing Amir's head in a high voice) Oh, congratulations, big boy! Good job, you won the fourth grade spelling bee.
AMIR: (yelling) What do you want from me?!
JAKE: Get rid of the second L! Get rid of it. God, I don't even know why I asked you to do this.
AMIR: (getting up) You know what? Fine.
JAKE: (grabbing him) No, no, don't be a big baby about it. Just, overall, what did you think? Not that I respect your opinion.
AMIR: Uh, it's, it's, I mean it's good, it's long, it's really long, like there's two paragraphs here that say the same thing twice, so why don't you just choose one of them?
JAKE: (standing up, to everyone) Wow, two part question for Amir. When's the last time you got laid, brother? And, uh, number two, (to Amir) delete the second paragraph.
AMIR: Second two part question.
JAKE: Delete- First part was the laid, they were both- Just delete the second paragraph. Alright? It's not hard.
AMIR: Here, I have a- Ok- maybe, sorry, maybe this is kinda, the whole thing is really intense, maybe you just shouldn't send it. Maybe you should wait until you see her in person. Maybe she's coming to New York, you can tell it to her, to her face.
JAKE: That's a great idea!
AMIR: Yeah.
JAKE: Great idea, that's why you're crawling with women, right? You know what? (calling) Pat! Can you- Can you read this?
PAT: (on phone, to Jake) Yeah, one sec! (mutters on phone)
AMIR: (approaches Pat) Hey, no, not. (takes his phone and throws it on the table) Not one second. Can-you-read-this. That's it.
THE END