INTRO:
Amir: Hi, I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger and you're watching Jake and Amir
Jake: You don't really sound like him
Amir: Your Terminator
Jake is sitting at his desk while Amir is sitting in a wheel chair between Jake's desk and Sarah's desk. Amir has a sling on his right arm and 2 black eyes. He isn't wearing his glasses.
Amir: So the nurse is like [closes nose] Sorry sir, we can't stay the night with you, even if you are afraid of the dark, [releases nose] and I'm like Bitch, you ain't going anywhere, there might be ghosts up in here so I grab her [grabs Jake's polo shirt] like-
Jake: Hey, hey, hey, you don't have to tell me anything you might be embarrassed about.
Amir: I'm not embarrassed about anything! So I grab her right [grabs Jake again] and she finally wrestles loose and she goes to call, I don't know, her supervisor or whatever [begins to rustle through Sarah's bag] but it's complete darkness in there so I start freaking out.
Jake sees Amir going through Sarah's bag
Jake: [Whispers angrily] Hey, hey, get your hand out of Sarah's bag OK? She is right there.
Pan over to Sarah who is sitting at her desk wearing headphones and facing her computer. Pan back to Amir who continues going through the bag.
Amir: [chuckles] What do I care? So you know it's complete darkness in there, I'm crying but it's starting to burn because [in a weird voice] my eyes are broken or whatever-
Jake: Stay out of Sarah's bag
At this moment Amir pulls a pink tampon out of Sarah's bag. He puts his hands up as if he were surrendering without noticing the tampon in his hand.
Amir: OK, relax. [looks at tampon] Oh...
Jake closes his eyes then massages his forehead.
Jake: [Looks away] Put that away. Put that away. Put that away.
Amir unwraps the tampon and smells it.
Jake: Amir don't. [Massages forehead again] Do you know what that is? Do you know what it is?
At this point Amir holds the tampon is his mouth. He is moving it around inside his mouth while moaning.
Amir: Oh, oh, ahaha!
Jake: Sarah! Hey, Sarah.
The camera pans to Sarah again who turns around and sees Amir with the tampon in his mouth.
Amir is now making gargling noises.
Amir appears to be stuffing the tampon down his throat.
The camera cuts to Jake with a confused look on his face.
The camera cuts back to Amir who has closed his mouth on the tampon. The string at the end sticks out of his mouth.
The camera cuts to Sarah who looks at Amir with disgust.
The camera cuts back to Amir. (It is implied that) the tampon is completely inside his mouth now. He swallows. His face which was smiling before, now looks concerned and scared.
Jake: Wow, are you ok?
Amir: [speaks in wheezes] I'm fine.
Jake: Good, so you're not choking or anything?
Amir: [speaks in wheezes] Choking? Haha, don't make me laugh. [Laughs]
Jake: [in unison with Amir's laugh, but with concern] Hahahahahaha, so you don't need the Heimlich?
Amir: [still wheezing] Heimlich, what are you crazy? I'm gonna go get lunch [Jake nods], um, do you want anything?
Jake: [Shakes his head] Nope. I don't.
Amir: [wheezing] I'm going to peace on outta here [makes peace sign with his hands]
Jake: Alright, peace out.
Amir begins to wheel himself away, pushing Jake's chair in the process. Amir seems to be calm while Jake is still freaking out.
Amir: But, oh, by the way, before I forget, [takes deep breath in] what's the name of that song that goes [starts dancing in his chair. Jake does the same, calmer now] Come my lady/come come my lady/you're my butterfly.
At the same time:
Jake: Sugar-
Amir: [grabs Jake's shirt] I'M GONNA DIE!
Jake quickly gets up while Amir wheezes and struggles to breathe. Jake goes around Amir and begins doing the modified Heimlich maneuver because Amir is in a wheelchair.
Cut to Sarah who looks extra concerned.
Cut back to Jake and Amir. Jake continues to do the Heimlich maneuver until the tampon falls out of Amir's mouth. Amir begins to struggle and cough. The tampon falls to the floor. Amir begins to breathe forcefully, still a little wheezing.
Cut back to Sarah, who is still concerned.
Jake: [relieved] God, that was close.
Jake pats Amir on the back and ANOTHER tampon falls out of his mouth, then onto the floor. Jake and Sarah exchange confused looks.
Amir: By the way it's Sugar Ray's Butterfly is the song.
Jake: [shakes his head] That's not true.
Amir: Yea, I know it's not.