INTRO
AMIR: THIS IS JAKE AND AMIR! WELCOME TO THE THUNDERSHOW!
JAKE: Not our intro.
AMIR: Dangit!
GARY: Guys, what's up? I'm Gary Vay-ner-chuck and Ricky hired me to help you guys explode College Humor's traffic.
AMIR: Who are YOU?
GARY: I said, I'm Gary-
JAKE: (to Gary) Okay, you wanna see something impressive. (to Amir) Who's Ricky?
AMIR: I know the name. I know the name. I just can't put the face to the-
JAKE: What name?
AMIR: I don't know the name, I don't know...who are YOU?
GARY: Wait wait wait, okay. Are you guys on Facebook?
(At the same time)
JAKE: Yes AMIR: No
GARY: Twitter?
(At the same time)
JAKE: Yup AMIR: No
GARY: Ustream?
(At the same time)
JAKE: Yes AMIR: No
GARY: Friendster?
(At the same time)
JAKE: No AMIR: Yes
GARY: Are you guys active at all?
AMIR: Sexually?
JAKE: We use all those sites.
AMIR: I'm not active, sexually, or otherwise.
JAKE: Ok, he's not talking about sex.
GARY: Actually, I am. You know, a healthy lovelife really impacts the workplace.
AMIR: Me and Jake f**k like rabbits, sir.
GARY: Woahhhh
AMIR: Not each other.
JAKE: And we don't do that.
GARY: Alright guys, here's what we need to do to make CollegeHumor go huge: You need to hustle, crush it, and go big.
JAKE: Those all kinda sound like the same thing.
GARY: They're not. Hustle is to crush it.
JAKE: Wasn't crush it the second thing?
GARY: No, that was go big
JAKE: Then the third thing was...?
GARY: Crush it
AMIR: Crush it. See? This is...now you're speaking my language!
GARY: Thank you, comprende.
JAKE: Comprende?
GARY: Jake, the number one thing is to respect your co-worker. It's family.
AMIR: It's family.
GARY: You guys are friends, right?
AMIR: Yes, best!
JAKE: Well, maybe.
GARY: Take Amir to a water park, an arcade, a picnic.
AMIR: I've always said that you should take me to a water park, an arcade, and a picnic.
JAKE: You have always said that, yeah.
AMIR: In one day, please.
GARY: I-I-I think Amir's cousin, Leron, runs a laser tag in Queens. Why don't you guys go up there and laser it up?
AMIR: For once.
JAKE: How is that gonna help traffic?
AMIR: You're obsessed with traffic!!
GARY: Jake, Amir's right. Don't worry about the traffic. Become best friends. Family. And it will all work itself out...or not.
JAKE: So you're saying, it's a good idea for the site if me and Amir go to your favorite clothing store -
JAKE and AMIR: Talbots
JAKE: and uh, we get just matching pajamas.
GARY: Dude, now you're getting it.
JAKE: I am, I think I'm really getting it. Ricky didn't hire you. Amir hired it.
(cut to Gary's chair spinning emptily)
AMIR: (sharp breath in) He's gone.
JAKE: No, he's under the table.
AMIR: No...oh he, no, I can't see him.
JAKE: Right there.
(Amir is waving down with his pen)
JAKE: You're waving him down.
AMIR: No, I'm not...I'm stretching my wrists.
(Jake gets up to leave)
AMIR: Where you going? What about the water park?