INTRO Amir - Hi, I'm Russell Crowe and you're watching Jake and Amir.
Jake - You're not even trying to do his voice.
Amir - Whatevah.
AMIR: So then I'll all like, 'All right, everybody, hit the flippin' gr-floor.' And it's just's like (grabs at button down and pulls a bit) Ahhhhhh!
JAKE: You can't just come over here and be like 'So then I'll all like everybody get on the floor'. You can't just start stories in the middle, that's not how that works. What the hell is on your chest?
AMIR: (holds closed the top of his shirt) What's on it-what's on my--
JAKE: Looks like you wrote something on your chest.
AMIR: Impossible.
JAKE: It's pretty possible.
AMIR: Well, it was very, very, very difficult.
JAKE: Just take it off your shirt.
AMIR: Not yet. Trust me.
JAKE: All right. You don't have to take off your shirt, but now I'm--
AMIR: OK-ok-ok-ok-ok. (begins unbuttoning shirt)
JAKE: Wow, I haven't even fake bribed you yet.
AMIR: I know, I know, I just, whatever it is, I'll take it, you know?
JAKE (reading): Happy half b-day to me. Now sit down. (pause) Is today your half birthday?
AMIR: Like you didn't know.
JAKE: I don't think I get it. I don't-I don't get what you're trying to do.
AMIR: Basically, I thought I'd come in here, everybody would start losing their sheesh once they realized it's my halfie, and then instead of quelling them down 'cause everyone is so loud and stuff, I'd just remove my shirt and the message is displayed.
JAKE: It's not even polite.
AMIR: Well, I know. That's why I got Leron to write on my back, 'Thanks again everybody, sorry for making a scene but this is an office so let's all relax.'
(Amir's back actually reads, 'Insert wang here' with a down arrow)
JAKE: OK, that's not what that says.
AMIR: What do you mean?
JAKE: Didn't you at least double check in a mirror?
AMIR: Yeah! But everything was all backwards so it was difficult to read.
JAKE: I mean, there's a f***ing arrow.
AMIR: I know, I thought it was a letter.
JAKE: Then you didn't know. You either knew, or you thought it was a letter.
AMIR: Then I thought it was a letter.
JAKE: OK, I know. Look, even if by some small miracle everybody in this office gave a s**t that it was your half birthday and they wanted to clap for you so loudly that you could even *ask* them to stop, if you needed to display a message on your chest, wouldn't you feel weird about admitting that you knew all of this all along?
AMIR: I'm going to f***ing kill Leron if there's an arrow on my back, I swear.
THE END.
OUTRO
AMIR: He's done, simple as that. It's over.
JAKE: All right.
(Amir rolls stomach and Jake breaks)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nL6_Iye91Y0