Jake is listening to Pat who is talking through a puppet of a fish.
PAT: (Through fish puppet) Hey, that seems pretty fishy to me, Pat. (Now talking to fish) Hey Cortan that's not a fisher- (Amir pushes Pat over)
JAKE: Hey-
AMIR:Jake, remember how you told me to hire a fating coach to hit on girls better?
JAKE: No.
AMIR: Okay. Sheesh. (Ben Schwartz Amir rolls up in rolling chair.)
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Amir Blumenfeld, how are you? AMIR: That's my name...
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Everybody's name is Amir Blumenfeld, it's not a big deal. What's your name?
JAKE: Jake.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Bad example. Okay what are we into guys? Guys or girls, guys or girls? WHat are you into?
JAKE: I'm just standing here-
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Guys. WHat are you into?
AMIR: Girls, then.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): That would leave you with girls, right? AMIR: Sure.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): For your two thousand dollars- AMIR: Two thousand? I said-
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): I'm going to get you to have sex with any girl you want in here.
AMIR: I don't want to have sex with any girl here.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): (Slaps Amir) You got to go up to her, you got to insult her.You have to make her feel like she made a mistake in life.
AMIR: I don't have a lot of experience of whatever, but i feel like a good way to do it is to be nice and st-
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Who's wearing the backwards hat? AMIR: What?
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Who's wearing the backwards hat?
AMIR: You are.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Okay, okay. Watch this, watch this. I'm going to be kind to you, see what happens. Hey, Amir, that's a really nice looking sweatshirt.
AMIR: Thank you, I appreciate that.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Amir, I fucking hate that sweatshirt.
AMIR: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay I see I'm more attracted to you now.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Of course. Okay, I want you to point to any girl here and I will guarantee you for those twenty thousand dollars you'e paying me-
AMIR: Twenty?
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): I will get that fruit loop fuck of yours in that sweet salmonberry's whole any time you want. (Amir points at robot.)
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): That is a robot.
AMIR: Sure. (Points at Jake)
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): He might be into it, you have to ask hime- JAKE: Stop. (Points at plant)
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): That is a plant, let's try to find something with life and moves... (Points at Hallie)
AMIR: Ah, noooo.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Ah, yes.
AMIR: Ah, definitely no.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Yes, that is the reaction that I lok for when a guy likes a girl he usually screams and makes his eyes look weird, okay? hat's your girl.
AMIR: I've been with- I've- We- We were together.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): I'm not listening to you don't you remember I never listen to you. Go get it, okay? Go get it. (Whispers into Jake's neck) Crazy, crazy 2009 with the bomb and everything. (Jake laughs uncomfortably)
AMIR: Hello Hilarie.
HALLIE: Hallie.
AMIR: Hallie. Sure. Whatever. Uh, your shoes look like garbage today.
HALLIE: Okay, thank you.
AMIR: So..
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): (Into Jake's neck) That, you see that? That was called negging, what that is called that is called negging...
JAKE: Your like saying this into my neck.
AMIR: (No shirt on) I'm just standing out, making you notice me. Is it working?
HALLIE: I guess.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Boom perfect. Peacocking. Do you see what he just did? Standing out. Every girl wants him right now.
JAKE: It's working?
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Fuck yeah.
JAKE: Okay first of all you both look like shit today, which is saying a lot because you usually look terrible to begin with. Secondly, where are you guys going to lunch? Because thirdly, we're coming with.
SARAH: I am having lunch with my sister.
AMIR: WHere are you going to lunch?
HALLIE: I am having lunch with my sister.
SARAH: I'll give you a minute.
AMIR: Oh! Haha.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): What? AMIR: They have the same sister.
SARAH: Really?
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ):
Amir Blumenfeld.
HALLIE: THat's his name.
AMIR: Same name.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Everybody's name. What's your name?
HALLIE: Hallie.
AMIR #2 (BEN SCHWARTZ): Bad example.