Pat is typing at the computer, Jake walks by about to eat a cookie.
PAT: Oh, Jake! Hey, um.. could you help me write, um, this email, to this girl?
JAKE: Yes, oh, a girl! Absolutely. Give me like 30 seconds.
Pat: Okay. No, you know, could you do it now, cause I just want to get it out while the moment strikes me.
JAKE: I understand.
PAT: (hitting away cookie) So what I have so far is Hello but i thought maybe in this case I should do something more casual cause this is a love letter..
JAKE: Okay, write hey. You need a lot of help, I understand. Alright. (Amir appears from under desk and tries to take cookie. Jake grabs the cookie back). Let's do...
PAT: Hey
Jake: (To Amir) I'm watching you, so don't steal anything from me.
PAT: I'm watching you, so don't steal anything from me. Okay, strong. It's agressive. I like it.
JAKE: Okay.
PAT: What else?
JAKE: WHy don't you just say Iy's been really ni-
AMIR: She's soft.
JAKE: It's been really nice getting to know you (to Amir) and I am going to break your fucking neck. Okay? I'm going to break your neck.
PAT: I'm going to break your neck. ALright. You know what?
AMIR: Chewy...
PAT: Good.
AMIR: She's soft and chewy.
PAT: Your soft and chewy
JAKE: Compliment her, say she's got beautiful eyes.
PAT: You've got beautiful eyes. Yeah...
AMIR: Chocolate chips...
JAKE: Don't touch my stuff. Okay?
PAT: They're blue but there's a tint or brown in there, I guess.
AMIR: Yeah, blue chocolate chips or whatever.
PAT: Your eyes are like blue chocolate chips.
JAKE: (to Amir) Can you leave me alone? Can you just do me a huge favor and leave me alone for the rest of my life?
PAT: Can you just do me a huge favor and leave me alone forever
AMIR: Hard to get.
PAT: I am playing hard to get... she's going to come crawling back to me!
JAKE: This is my cookie..
PAT: (notices what is happening) WHat are you doing? I call you over here to come help write a letter and you eat your damn dessert-
AMIR: Will you just put it down?!
JAKE: I'm not eating-
AMIR: Will you just put it down please?!
JAKE: I'll put it- I'll put it- I'm not going to eat it-
AMIR: Just put it down!
JAKE: Okay, we're going to put it down right here.
PAT: Thank you.
AMIR: (stretches and reaches for the cookie) I'm just gonna stretch it out- I'm just gonna straight up eat this because-
JAKE: Wow wow wow don't!
AMIR: (bites cookie and spits it out) Ah, God. Empty calories. I just saved you from-
Jake slaps him over and over and forces the cookie into his mouth.
JAKE: You want the cookie right? (Amir is screaming) Is it fucking good? (knocks him to the ground)
AMIR: You're hurting me.
JAKE: Yeah?
AMIR: You're hurting me! You're hurting me, you're hurting me. (Jake backs off) Um...
JAKE: I'm sorry.
AMIR: Uh, no, I'm sorry, I should not have done that, I ate your cookie.
JAKE: DOn't you dare cut me any slack. Okay? I'm out of line.
AMIR: Uh, no, we're good. Hey! We're good.
JAKE: Let me help you up.
AMIR: Ahh! One second. Let me...
JAKE: I'll get you some ice, how's that? WHat hurts?
AMIR: Everything.. so..just.. uh, you don't have to, I'll just-
JAKE: Don't go. I blew up, I'm gonna go.
PAT: Okay, message sent... the fuck happened to you?
ending
Sarah reads email.
It reads:
Hey, I'm watching you, so don't steal anything from me. It's been nice getting to know you and I'm going to break your fucking neck. You're soft and chewy. You've got beautiful eyes. Your eyes are like blue chocolate chips. Can you just do me a huge favor and leave me alone forever. Your hurting me. I'm sorry, Pat.
SARAH: Oh my God, Pat... this is beautiful.