INTRO: (silence) Amir- Ah, sorry I'm late. Uh, you're watching Jake and Amir.
AMIR: So, how was dinner last night with your long lost bro?
JAKE: Uh, it was good. It was expensive, but it was good.
AMIR: Sounds good. Sounds expensive but it was good.
JAKE: You're just repeating what I say.
AMIR: Can't prove that. Why was it expensive?
JAKE: Uh, it's just that Kumail doesn't have like any money right now so I had to pay.
AMIR: He doesn't have any money?
JAKE: No. Not right now. But he has like this insanely good business idea which is why I invested my last $5,000 in it, and uh, it's going to make both of us rich.
AMIR: Insanely good business idea?
JAKE: Yeah, it's called scale.com. You step on your laptop and the site will actually weigh you.
AMIR: OK. That's MY idea, BITCH!
JAKE: I'm kidding! You think I would tell you the business idea? I don't even know it yet.
AMIR: But you said it was insanely good?
JAKE: It's called trusting someone. Your brother.
AMIR: My brother?
JAKE: My brother.
AMIR: Your brother?
JAKE: Shut up, all right? Nevermind.
AMIR: Jake, I don't think Kumail is the trustworthy guy you think he is.
JAKE: Why? Because I want to hang out with him more than I want to hang out with you?
AMIR: Yes, that. And yesterday when you were in the bathroom, he was like digging around, looking for pay stubs or whatever.
JAKE: Wow.
AMIR: Yeah, so . . .
JAKE: You've kept me from my own surprise party, you've spied on me in the bathroom, you poisoned my food, but this is a new low.
AMIR: Yes, but have I ever lied to you?
JAKE: Yeah, sure. You told me you had 60 beers once. You said you never drop anything. You said you had some new girlfriend--
AMIR: OK, shut up!
JAKE: NO, YOU SHUT UP! My brother is finally back and I'm happy and he's going to make us both rich and for once I'm not going to let you f**k it up for me.
AMIR: Frine!
JAKE: Frine or fine?
AMIR: I don't know, why don't you ask your brother. He seems to know everything!
JAKE: You know what? Maybe I will, because he's in the kitchen right now and we're going to get lunch together, bitch!
AMIR: You're a bitch!
JAKE: You're a bitch.
AMIR: You're the bitch.
JAKE: You're a bitch's bitch. (beat) Nothing?
AMIR: You're a ... bitch's bitch.
(Kumail is in the kitchen with Sarah attempting to juggle)
KUMAIL: You know, Jake said he worked with a bunch of 5's and 6's but you are a legit 7.
SARAH: (chuckles apprehensively) Uh, thanks.
KUMAIL: I probably see myself doing you if you know what I mean?
SARAH: Wow, that's pretty clear--
JAKE: Hey, Sarah! Did you meet my brother, Kumail?
SARAH: Yeah, just did.
JAKE: Cool.
KUMAIL: Lunch time?
JAKE: Absolutely man, where to?
KUMAIL: Wherever. You're paying. (they laugh) Come on.
SARAH: No. Why would I ever -- (an orange is thrown violently at the wall next to Sarah)
THE END.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ymm9Tb7XwCU