INTRO:
AMIR: Oy, you're watching Jake and Amir, and we filmed this in Spain! (somewhat Australian accent)
JAKE: Wow.
[Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks.]
AMIR: Jake, I am about to say something that's gonna blow your mind. Give me like, ten minutes.
(The video cuts to a black screen with text that says TEN MINUTES LATER.)
AMIR: Ekaj.
JAKE: My name backwards. Clever.
AMIR: What?
JAKE: You know what, man?
AMIR: For sure, for sure.
JAKE: No, I haven't said anything yet.
AMIR: I know, absolutely.
JAKE: I love baseball.
AMIR: (in a silly voice) I love baseball. (laughs). Yeah, I love baseballs. I love all the baseballs too, so.
JAKE: Derek Jeter?
AMIR: Yeah?
JAKE: My all-time favorite player.
AMIR: Yeah. My-he's-me-the-bom--he's the bomb. At his position, for his price, he's the number-one bomb.
JAKE: I hate Derek Jeter.
AMIR: I hate him. I hate.. him. He's like--ugh, nobody; the only person who hates him more than you is me, and that's saying a lot.. of.. stuff--
JAKE: I like him.
AMIR: He's good. I like him just fine, I was just.. Once you think about it you start to like him more and then I started to think about him and nowIllowIllike him.
JAKE: I hate ice cream.
AMIR: It tastes like a mouth.. it's like a mouthfull of buttholes in my mouth. It tastes like acid.
JAKE: I think it's delicious.
AMIR: I think it tastes like delicious acid.
JAKE: It tastes like ass.
AMIR: Yeah, I think it tastes like delicious ass, is what I meant.
JAKE: No, in a bad way.
AMIR: I said acid but I meant--Yeah in a bad way, an awful way--I mean, can you--(raising his voice in frustration) for crying out loudly, can you STOP?!
JAKE: ...Stop doing what?
AMIR: You keep like chan- I dunno you're like a flip-flopper and then I can't decide what I like, because you're always all over the place.
JAKE: Cuz you need to base your opinions off of mine.
AMIR: Yes.
JAKE: Because you don't have any thoughts or opinions of your own.
AMIR: Right, obviously.
JAKE: And you think that stealing mine is--
AMIR: Yes, when I steal yours it makes us better friends because we have the same opinion, I mean what don't you GET?
JAKE: I don't get why you're being so honest about it.
AMIR: (exasperated) Oh, my g--(sarcastic) Okay, let me formulate my own opinions, right? And then maybe if they match we can POSSIBLY bes- I mean just listen to myself it sounds like CRAZY--
END.
OUTRO:
JAKE: I hate nuggets.
AMIR: Don't.