Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir! Amir: Please RSVP. Jake: For what? Amir: Anything. I don't know. [Jake and Amir are in Las Vegas to interview the cast of the show 2 Months 2 Million.] Jake: (to camera) Hey, we're Jake and Amir [Amir holds up a gang sign, when Jake puts Amir's arm down.]; we're here with the cast of 2 Months 2 Million. (gesturing) We have Jay, Emil, Brian, and Dani... and wanna ask them a little bit about the show.. Could you just tell us about—about the show? Brian: Sure, the show... Amir: (whispering to Jake) (inaudible) for a second. [Amir gets up.] Jake: (to Amir) Don't. Brian: Basically, the four of us, um, you know, we're all poker pros. Jake: Okay. Brian: Uh, every summer, we come out to Vegas. Dani: (gesturing to Amir) What—what is he doing? Jake: He's.. he's fine. He's just taking a walk.. place. [Amir knocks over a water bottle, picks it up, and hesitates to drink it.] Brian: Yeah, so we come to Vegas for the World Series of Poker; every year, we rent a house. You know, we're like two-months-a-year roommates. Dani: So let me know (inaudible). Brian: So it's just documenting our lifestyles, you know, in Vegas every summer. You know, we play poker; we party. Amir: (approaching computer, laughs) Tell me about it. Brian: Yup. (inaudible) Emil: G4 has decided that the world must see what goes on here. Brian: Yeah, you know, you wanna... Jake: Nice. Have—Have any of you guys ever hit a royal flush? [Cast laughs.] Does that happen? [Amir meanwhile tries to play online poker and attempts to place a bet by getting a dollar bill out of his wallet and placing it on the computer screen.] Brian: I'd say the most—who—how many royal flushes have you hit in your life, Jay? Just guess. Jay: I don't know, three. Jake: Three? Jay: Three or four. Brian: Three? Jake: How—how many poker hands—how many hands of poker do you think you've flipped? Brian: I think I had a royal flush probably twenty-five times, thirty times. Dani: We probably all played over a million hits of poker (inaudible). Jake: Oh my gosh. Amir: (playing, to crew and Jake) I'm in. ?: Nice (inaudible). ?: I bet—I bet a million dollars. ?: What—What's he doing on Dani's computer? Jake: He's not on Dani's computer; he's—I think he's checking his email. He's fine. Hey! Me, me, me, me. (snaps) ?: Yup. Jake: We only have a few minutes for the interview, so come on now. Focus. (claps) Amir: (playing) I'm all in, yo. Jake: High school. Royal flushes. ?: Royal flushes. Jay: Royal flushes. Amir: (playing) Oh sheesh. Jay: The second time I hit a royal flush I yelled really loud. Amir: (playing) I am down... Can—Gotta win it back. Jay: (inaudible) hit a royal flush? [I absolutely cannot piece together a thing they're saying. Something about a cure?] Jay: Because it normally made me (inaudible). Brian: (inaudible) Jay: And I'm not gonna (inaudible). Jake: Oh. Gee. Amir: Yo, I gots to win it back. I'm down.. one-zero, come on. Zero, zero, zero... Jay: If you reenact the screen that you (inaudible). [Dani peers over to Amir.] Jake: Hey, Dani, Dani, Dani! Dani? Amir: I'm all in (inaudible). (mimicing) Dani, Dani, Dani. Jake: Not you, all right—he's fine. Uh, let's—w— Amir: I'm all in, yo. Jake: You don't—no, you're not. Amir: I'm all in (inaudible). Jake: He's not—He's not even in anything. Emil: Is he playing poker? Jake: He's not playing poker. He's— Dani: Is he playing on my account? Jake: No, no, no, he has his own—it's not even poker. It's fine. ?: (inaudible) Amir: Whoa... (watches the money go) Jake: Okay, no, he's—yeah. Amir: Yeah... Jake: Uh.. Giancarlo, this isn't going to work. Um— Amir: Hey. Jake: I can't—I can't interview them like this, you know? Amir: I'm almost done. Jake: No, you're—you are done. Amir: I got... Jake: (gets up to get Amir) Yes, uh... We're just gonna go. We're just gonna go. (grabs Amir to leave) Amir: No, no, no— Jake: Come on! Amir: Hey! I have to win that back—I have to win the money back. Jake: N-no, you don't! You don't, you don't... Amir: I'm down, like, ten zeros! Jake: Get it— Amir: Get off of me! Jake: It's fine. [Crew laughs.] Jay: That was the weirdest interview! Jake: (still hurrying out) You lost all their money; you stole— Amir: I didn't (inaudible). Jake: You lost a lot of money. Amir: Hey, relax, okay? We're all.. friends or whatever here. (laughs) [Shot moves back to game room.] Dani: Holy shit. He was playing on my account. ?: No, he wasn't! ?: No! ?: You were logged in? ?: No way! ?: You were logged in? [Shot of Jake and Amir sprinting out, and then back to game room.] Brian: What just happened? Dani: I don't know. [Brian laughs.] Brian: And I still got all these empty tables, and everyone else has a lot of money. [Shot moves to Jake forcing Amir outside house.] Amir: You're really hurting my neck! Jake: I don't care. (inaudible) Amir: (stops in tracks) Hey, w-w-wait. Jake: What? Amir: I left my wallet. Jake: What do you have in your wallet that's worth it? Amir: I have, I don't know, s—probably six Pogs, a Connect Four thing, I don't know.. a Coke bottle tab! Jake: Okay. (grabs Amir) Okay, it doesn't really matter— Amir: Leron's gonna rip me a new one, please! Just—I'm not— Jake: They're going to murder you. You— Amir: I'm not afraid of little poker players, okay? Relax. [Shot cuts to Jake waiting for Amir, when he arrives appearing disheveled.] Amir: (giggles) Got my wallet. Jake: Oh my god. Amir: Yeah, it's an n-big-d. (grabs Amir to inspect injury) Uh, they were nice guys. Jake: Yeah, your back is bleeding. Amir: Yeah, I'm feeling light-headed; I'm gonna sit down for a second. [Jake helps to lower Amir down to the ground.] Jake: Okay. Amir: Okay. Jake: You're okay. Amir: I'm okay. Jake: You're okay. Amir: I'm okay. Jake: You're okay. Amir: I'm okay. Jake: Oh... Amir: Oh... THE END NOTES: Evidently, I know next to nothing about poker so I may have missed out on some lingo. I also am not completely familiar with all the guys' voices so some names may not be right when someone's talking off-screen. There were a ton of inaudible things I just couldn't put together so if y'all could help, that would be awesome comploodle. Be as nitpicky as possible. :P Oh, and a huge congratulations to the cumulative and collaborative effort of this subreddit to have now officially transcribed every single Jake and Amir video ever. Oh sheesh y'all.