Intro:
Patrick: Hey this is pat and you're watching Jake and Amir
Amir: nope, you ruined it.
Patrick: No you ruined it.
[starts, Amir and Mike at their desks.]
Amir: Hey Mike, can I talk to you about something?
Mike: Yes, of course.
Amir: Sarahs trying to start a rumor that you're gay...
Mike: [nods] Okay?
Amir: Yeah! I didn't know what that meant either. I guess gay has an alternate definition where like even though you're not a woman, right?
Mike: Right.
Amir: Right, so even though you're not a woman you still want to have sex with me?
Mike: yeah, that's right.
Amir: alright, so now I am confused. You are a woman?
Mike: Amir, why do you think i've been hanging out with you all week?
Amir: to be my friend?
Mike: I'm trying to get laid!
Amir: what?
Mike: are you really this stupid? Why would i want to be friends with somebody as dumb as you?
Amir: i thought we were partners..
Mike: I thought so too amir, we went to the movies.
Amir: Yeah?
Mike: for like five nights in a row!
Amir: So?
Mike: we french kissed!
Amir: [high pitched] is that what that was?
Mike: Oh my god. I did it again..I did it again!
Amir: So we're not best friends.
Mike: listen to me carefully, i never want to see your dumb ass, face slang hurling wanna be chill dude, cock tease!
Amir: Shhhh!
Mike: in my face again.
Amir: okay..relax.
Mike:And your free styles suck.
Amir: [snorts]
Mike: They don't rhyme!
Amir: [shrugs] so?
Mike: Bye.
Amir: well..im not going to leave..
Mike: Micheal, you have to move again [picks up plant from desk] how does this keep happening. It's like portland all over again. I've had to move nine times this month, austin, miami, fresno, barcelona, its all the got damn same.
[In Jakes office he corners amanda in the kitchen]
Jake: hey so I've been thinking about what you said, about who's obsessed with who. And I may have stumbled across something interesting, believe it or not.
Amanda: Really?
Jake: Yes, amanda panda Somewhere in you incoherant ramblings, you got me thinking. Maybe i'm having a hard time letting amir go. Not the other way around.
Amanda: well..maybe i can help you with that. [leans in to kiss jake]
[jake holds up phone and amanda kisses it]
Jake: this is him! He's calling me right now, he hasn't called me since I moved.
Amanda: Okay. If you answer that I wont be here when you hang up.
Jake: that's fine ill come find you after.
Amanda: no, jacob you have to chose. It's either him, or me.
~end~