NARRATOR: Previously, on Jake and Amir.
(Sam and Amir looking at Jake's computer)
SAM: Jake isn't sick today. He's going on a job interview.
(Jake at home on the phone)
JAKE: Mom, I got the job.
INTRO
AMIR: Hi, and welcome to the one thousandth episode of Jake and Amir
JAKE: Not accurate.
AMIR: Okay, but it's close.
JAKE: It's not, actually.
(Jake is putting his desk's contents in a box. Sarah comes up and gives him a hug.)
SARAH: Did you tell him yet?
JAKE: I did nay. He's not at work, so...
SARAH: Well, you should call him.
JAKE: I don't have to do that.
SARAH: Yes, you do.
JAKE: No, I don't have to do that, because he's constantly calling me.
JAKE: (on the phone) Hey.
AMIR: (on a bed with his laptop) Woah! Hello? Je-je-Jake Jake Jake. Don't hang up.
JAKE: What's up, dude?
AMIR: (high) Sup!
JAKE: Where are you?
AMIR: I'm at home. For the first time of my life, I am finally at-
JAKE: My home or your home?
AMIR: Oh, I hate to keep explaining myself, but when I say home, I mean YOUR home.
JAKE: What are you doing?
AMIR: Well, I'm almost done, I'm up to 3 random things about me.
JAKE: So, you're writing a Facebook note?
AMIR: 28 to go.
JAKE: Look, can you just come in to work for a second? I need to talk to you.
AMIR: (walking down the street) I'm coming.
JAKE: Alright, just let me know when you ge-
(Hand touches Jake's shoulder. Jake turns around. It's Rosie.)
JAKE: God, I thought you were Amir.
(Hands push Rosie over. It's Amir. Rosie falls with a thud.)
AMIR: What's up? I left your door unlocked.
JAKE: (silence)
AMIR: Are you mad at me?
(In the hallway)
JAKE: There's no easy way to say this.
AMIR: Is it in Spanish? (smiles and chuckles)
JAKE: I'm leaving.
AMIR: (stops smiling) So, it's not.
JAKE: No.
AMIR: Leaving what?
JAKE: I got a new job.
AMIR: If you're gonna call me in here for a practical joke, make sure it's at least funny.
(Amir walks away)
JAKE: Amir, I'm really going.
(Amir walks back)
AMIR: I know what you're trying to do, and it's not funny anymore.
JAKE: It's not a joke, alright. I got a new job. I'm leaving College Humor.
AMIR: When do we start?
JAKE: I start Monday
AMIR: Ouch.
JAKE: In California....so...
AMIR: So, have fun, and good luck.
JAKE: Thank you, and I just-
AMIR: (starts to talk through sadness) You know what? What if I don't do the high-pitched voice anymore? Then, will you stay?
JAKE: Don't do this.
AMIR: (In high-pitched voice, through tears) This'll be the last time. This'll be the last time. (normal voice) Jake, this will-
JAKE AND AMIR: -be the last time.
JAKE: I got it. No, Amir, buddy. I gotta go, alright.
AMIR: (still through tears) You don't have to sit across from me anymore.
JAKE: Come on, man.
AMIR: We'll go talk to Ricky. You don't have to sit across from me anymore, I know you hate that.
JAKE: I don't hate it...I don't hate it.
AMIR: (still through tears) Then, stay...stay...
(Jake puts out his hand for a handshake. Amir doesn't move. Jake walks away, frustrated.)
(Cut to outside elevator. Jake is inside with his box of personal belongings. The door starts to close, but Amir stops it and puts out his hand for a handshake. Jake puts his box down and gives him a hug.)
(HUH!)
(Outside elevator on different floor. Doors open to reveal Jake and Amir still hugging.)
JAKE: Alright, this is me.
AMIR: No!
JAKE: Alright, one more elevator ride.
AMIR: Two more...
JAKE: K
AMIR: ...and the stairs.
(Blackout as elevator dings)