(caption - Jake and Amir Behind the Scenes of "The Collegehumor Show" Sundays at 9:30/8:30c on MTV)
AMIR: All right, we are here with Sarah Schneider, and she is an actress and a writetress on the show.
JAKE: That's either a cute joke or you're a complete retard.
AMIR: Yup.
JAKE: OK, so you're kind of like the guy's girl, right?
SARAH: That's right, I'm like one of the guys.
AMIR: Yeah, which guy's girl are you?
SARAH: Th-that's not what that phrase means.
AMIR: Spoiler alert!
SARAh: That's--
(Amir and Jake are with Vinny)
JAKE: OK, we're here with Vincent Peone, who is our D.P.
AMIR: Yes, and everyone knows D.P. stands for (holds up a notepad and reads off it) Director of Photography. So, yup. (chuckles)
JAKE: So everyone knows that?
AMIR: And he is--
JAKE: Anyone else could have memorized that.
AMIR: He's in charge of the lightning on the set. So.
VINNY: Uh, lighting.
AMIR: Yes.
AMIR: But what's--First question. What's the difference between thunder and lighting?
JAKE: (softly) Sometimes we have to get to work as early as like 7AM to shoot, so a lot of us nap during the day to catch up on sleep.
AMIR: Let's wake one of them up right now. (goes over to couch)
JAKE: (softly) We're not going to do that. No-No, no, no, no.
AMIR: Streeter, Streeter we want to interview--
(Streeter gets up and pulls Amir to the floor, then begins strangling him)
STREETER: Don't wake the f**king bear!
JAKE: OK, hold on! (Jake tries breaking them up)
STREETER: Don't wake the bear!
(Streeter is on top of Amir on the floor, Jake beside them)
STREETER: (as Jake is talking) You. Don't. Wake. Me.
JAKE: (to cameraman) Put down the f**king camera and help!
(Jeff approaches Amir and Jake from behind)
JAKE: Oh! Ooo, Jeff Rubin, tell me what is it like--
AMIR: N-n-no, you tell me what is it like ruining every single take you are in? Sucking the life out of an otherwise great experience from everyone else?
JEFF: What-what are you guys--What is this?
(back to Streeter on top of Amir strangling him)
AMIR: You can cut.
STREETER: You don't wake the bear!
AMIR: You can cut. You can cut. You can cut. You can cut. You can cut.
(Streeter starts crying with his hands still around Amir's neck)
AMIR: It's OK, he's OK, he's OK.
VINNY: Well, uh, you know, we're constantly faces adverse conditions with the win--
AMIR: Have you ever been struck by lighting?
VINNY: (pause) Yeah. Uh, yes. Umm, I-I guess when I walk into a lighting set up that's profound to me, it-it sometimes is--
AMIR: I mean just like straight up a lighting bolt just (imitates getting struck by lightning)
JAKE: He gave you an out and you didn't take it.
AMIR: What?
(back to Sarah)
AMIR: I hate it when you look at me like I'm stupid.
JAKE: I've never looked at you like you weren't stupid.
(Just Jake and Sarah)
JAKE: All right, Sarah. Who is your favorite person to be in scenes with?
SARAH: Ooo--
AMIR (off camera): Come on, let's go, Jake.
JAKE: One second.
AMIR: Let's go.
SARAH: I'm trying to answer your question here.
AMIR: We've already got another interview lined up with someone better.
AMIR (still off camera): We can't use this. I'm telling you right now we're not going to use this.
SARAH: (to Jake) Why do you hang out with him all the time?
JAKE: I don't hang out with him all the time.
AMIR: Yes we do.
(back to Vinny)
AMIR: So basically you're just the guy that holds the camera, right?
VINNY: Uh, not at all, I'm actually--
JAKE: He does a lot more.
VINNY: --I'm responsible for the visual--
AMIR: Vinny Peone, a glorified human tripod.
VINNY: I'm responsible for the visual story telling.
JAKE: He's responsible for the vi--
(Amir motions to camera to cut)
THE END.
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/3890459/jake-and-amir-behind-the-scenes-of-the-collegehumor-show-part-2