Intro
Amir: It's JAAAAAAAAAAKE and amir.
Jake: I'm doing the next one.
Amir: Fine.
(sitting at their desks, looking at their computer screens)
(Cuts to amir)
Amir: This email you sent me makes no signs whatsoever.
Jake: No signs whatsoever?
Amir: No science whatsoever?
Jake: No signs or no science?
Amir: Oh... Ok.
Jake: Don't act like you get it, cause those are both wrong.
Amir: Holy crapiolli...
Jake: What?
(Linford enters - looks identical to amir but with flat hair and a green sweater on)
Amir: My cousin Linford is here, Jesus...
Linford: Amir..
Amir: Linford.
Linford: I entrust you're doing well at this job, you know it wasn't easy for me to secure that you would have it for the rest of your life.
Jake: Rest...? You guys are cousins?
Amir: Second cousins.
Linford: First cousins.
Amir: Well you're my second first cousin...
Linford: I'm your only first cousin.
(Amir, annoyed)
Amir: And you never shut up.
Linford: Anyway, your mother is worried, you haven't picked up any of her calls...
Amir: What a nervous freak.
Linford: ...for close to six months.
Jake: Wow...
Amir: It's like CUT the umbilical cord already - gosh.
Linford: She even sent the police to your apartment yesterday.
Amir: Yeah well I'm staying at Jakes.
Jake: Where?
Amir: In the closet.
Jake: oh...
Linford: Here, use my phone, call her now.
(Throws phone to Amir who deflects it onto the ground - in the background, the phone clatters on the ground)
Linford: Well your mother lost you once, she wouldn't want to do it again.
Jake: Lost you once?
Linford: Yes, when amir was six he was abducted from a shopping mall, and returned at the age of 11. He had forgotten how to speak.
Jake: I am so sorry...
Linford: He survived on a diet of chicken nuggets.
Amir: Best 5 years of my LIFE.