INTRO:
AMIR: Woah, check it y'all, this one's about dinosaurs.
JAKE: They're going to see what it's about in like a second.
AMIR: Okay, fine.
(Jake and Amir are sitting at their desks. Dan walks by, and Amir holds up his cell phone to him)
AMIR: (to Dan) Woah! Text from Jake.
JAKE: Relax.
(Amir clearly has a tissue sticking from his nose.)
AMIR: What? I'm only showing it to people who ask.
JAKE: He didn't ask.
AMIR: Well, he doesn't know!
JAKE: Then like I said before, right? Relax.
AMIR: (Mimicking a New York accent) Ay, I'm trying my best here.
JAKE: Not funny.
AMIR: (Still mimicking a New York accent) Ay.
JAKE: Oh, listen, can I videotape you for one second? My friends back home don't believe you're real.
AMIR: What, too good to be true?
JAKE: (Shaking head) Yeah.
(The sound of the videocamera turning on is heard)
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) Hey guys, alright, this is him. This is Amir. Say "Hi", Amir.
AMIR: (Smiling and waving) Hi, Amir.
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) He doesn't know that's a joke. Amir, what's 12 plus 28?
AMIR: Trick question.
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) It's not.
AMIR: Well, you want me to say 38, but if I answer that then I'm a math nerd. So, I'll say that I don't know.
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) You didn't know.
AMIR: (Nodding) Okay.
JAKE: (Pointing videocamera on himself) What's my great-great-uncle's name on my mom's side?
AMIR: You actually have two (shows three fingers (holding up a shocker, though probably unintentionally). The first one was a shoe salesman in Nebraska, Alan G. Summerville. And the second one, Frederick B. Krick, died as an infant, so your mother actually never found out about him.
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) And what's your middle name?
AMIR: That is,- I'm unsure about that, but I can get back to you and find out, in less than 10 minutes.--
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) Final question. And this one should be really good. Um, what's with that tissue in your nose?
AMIR: The tissue?
JAKE: (Pointing camera on himself) So he doesn't even know.
AMIR: W-(feels tissue in his nose) oh! Oh, my. Okay. (Begins pulling out the tissue, Jake watches in horror) Okay. Woah. This is more than I thought. (Chuckles) Where does it end? (now using both hands to pull out the tissue) I didn't know my nostril was so big, but it's not even ova yet. (Amir continues pulling our more tissue, Jake continues being disguested) This is crazay in my nazay. In my nasal cavity. This is more than I thought. Ha-ha. Woah. Crazy. (the tissue is now more than a foot long, still coming out of his nose) My arms are getting tired. You should even come get the rest out because my arms are too tired to pull-- (JAKE: No) --keep pulling.
(Jake looks incredibly disgusted.)
AMIR: Woah, I think there's a toy soldier at the end of it.
AMIR: (pulling a toy soldier away from his nose with the tissue (actually toilet paper at this point) to which it is attached) Uh, there was. (Chuckles) There was a legit toy soldier. Jake. (Amir uses the toy soldier to shoot at Jake)
(Jake continues looking disgusted and is pointing the camera at Amir.)
AMIR: Don't re-- Don't record this. Just show them the math question.
END.