EPISODE
Carpenter: Guys, welcome to the studio. Thank you so much for coming. We're going to learn some carpentry today.
Amir: Yeah! Let's make some carpets, WOO!!
Carpenter: Awesome, well welcome Amir. Thanks for coming.
Amir: Yeah, well I'm here and I'm not leaving, so ok.
Carpenter: You don't have to leave at all.
Amir: 'Cause even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to.
Carpenter: Oh... I don't want to make you leave.
Amir: You couldn't even force me out even if you wanted to because I'm too strong, so...
Carpenter: Too strong? Well... I have a drill!
Amir: (laughs and then starts screaming at carpenter while Jake holds him back)
(Carpenter is showing Jake how to cut a piece of wood)
Carpenter: Alright Jake, what you want to do is measure this to exactly 12 inches, ok.
Amir: No, nobody does exactly 12 inches anymore. (cuts wood without measuring) You eye-ball it and then you have... This is like close enough I think...
Jake: It's 15.
Amir: Ok, 15 but remember this isn't like rocket science, we're just making carpets, right.
Carpenter: No, carpentry.
Amir: Ok, where's Pat? I want to try and saw his arm off, like (makes saw noise).
(Carpenter is showing Amir how to drill into a piece of wood)
Amir: Can I trace my hand in the wood before we start?
Carpenter: No I, I wouldn't.
Amir: That's what separates you from me. (proceeds to drill)
(Carpenter and Jake are talking)
Amir: Are you clowns almost done with this part? (returns with a bloody bandaged hand)
Amir: Does anyone want to split a soda with me? (about to split a can of soda in half with a saw)
(Carpenter showing Jake where to drill a hole in Amir's piece of wood)
Carpenter: Just, right in the center of the X like, right in the middle of the palm. (bloody imprint of Amir's hand)
Amir: (laughs) Are you guys light-headed?
(Amir is swinging a long plank of wood back and forth while standing in
front of Pat while he ducks repeatedly)
Amir: Oh Jake, I thought of that game I wanted to rent. It was called uh... Sheesh. What was it called... I think it was called Doom. (Pat) Will you stop ducking, I'm trying to hit you!
(Jake just finished sanding something)
Carpenter: Jake, that turned out really well, man-
Amir: Yeah, well watch this one. All I have to do is sand it- (all the wood pieces drop to floor) Ah, ok. Sh- It's fine, it's next to my 3 piece dresser drawer. (points to pile of wood)
(Jake and Carpenter are working)
Carpenter: Wait, where's Amir?
Jake: I don't-
Amir: (Amir is behind them, dangling from the ceiling) Guys.
Carpenter: Oh my god.
Jake: What are you doing?
Amir: Can you build me a ladder super quick?
Jake: How did you get up there?
Amir: Ah, why does it matter. I'm up here and the fact of the matter is, my hand really hurts so could you just BUILD ME A FUCKING LADDER AND HELP ME GET DOWN.
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