(Jake and Girl sitting on couch)
GIRL: Are you . . . ticklish?
JAKE: Let's find out.
GIRL: (gasp) What was that?!
JAKE: Uh, nothing.
GIRL: No, it's not nothing.
JAKE: It was.
GIRL: No, listen...again.
JAKE: Yeah, no.
GIRL: Yeah! What is that??
(Girl goes to investigate)
JAKE: Uh, come back. Don't investigate! It was just a cat!
GIRL: Oh my god! I love cats! One time my cat ate pizza, isn't that silly? (sees Amir) OH MY GOD!
AMIR: You're going to die now!
(Girl screams and runs out)
JAKE: You're not, it's fine.
AMIR: (in hallway) Sup? (by Jake) Sup?
JAKE: Why'd you do that?
AMIR: Works every time!
JAKE: I know it works every time, I'm asking you why you do it every time.
AMIR: I crushed my skull trying to bench press a TV, and died instantly. Why don't you cut my some slack?!
JAKE: You haven't answered my question.
AMIR: Whoa, hold on a second, I'm going to put on the SyFy channel. I think there's a special on ghosts...like me!
JAKE: Well, if you're going to watch SyFy, you should probably at least pay for half the cable.
AMIR: Whoa, pizza!
JAKE: My pizza!
AMIR: I'm not even having some of the slices, just picking off some of the 'ronis.
JAKE: I see what you're doing and I still don't want you to do that. And how come you can pick off pepperonis with your hands but they go right through dishes when it's your turn to wash them? How does that work?
AMIR: How about, I already feel bad about it so don't make me feel worse.
JAKE (on phone): Hey! Sorry, that was my roommate, he's trying to scare me--
AMIR: (spits) Ah, god, they're gross and greasy.
JAKE: You're gross.
AMIR: You're greasy.
JAKE (on phone): Yeah, you can come back, see you soon.
AMIR: Why are you inviting her back if you know what I am going to do?
JAKE: I don't know! Because I guess I'm asking you not to.
AMIR: OK, how about this: you call her back right now and tell her to go f**k herself--
JAKE: Nope.
AMIR: --and I'll pay you back for half of this DVD that I just "accidentally" broke.
GIRL: Jake?
AMIR: (chuckles) Too late!
JAKE: OK, don't!
GIRL: Is he gone?
JAKE: Uhh...
GIRL: (screams)
TO BE CONTINUED...
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/3719692/my-super-not-chill-ghost-roommate-ep-1