[Jake and Amir are sitting on the couch in Jake's apartment watching a baseball game on TV.]
JAKE: Ok, rules are as follows: you're allowed to stay here--
AMIR: IF, we have to high five every home run, I know, and we have to create ten inside jokes, you don't have to tell me--
JAKE: Ok, incorrect. Every inning you stay here is a week that you're not allowed to talk to me.
AMIR: Ok. But, I was thinking about that, what if it's like weeks in the past. (JAKE: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah) So like, weeks that we didn't know each other--
JAKE: Before, ok, (AMIR: Yeah when we were kids) um no it's gonna be future weeks. Got it?
AMIR: Yeyeah, fo sho, fo sho.
[The audience of the game is cheering loudly, indicating someone scored a home run.]
JAKE: Oh! (ANNOUNCER: Well, he--) That's gone. (He takes his phone out of his pocket.)
AMIR: (smiling) That is aout of there! Ah!
JAKE: (smiling) I'm gonna call Kunal. (Putting the phone up to his ear.)
AMIR: (smiling) Kunal him! Ah, right now!
JAKE: (smiling) Yeah. He loves the Red Sox. I'm gonna (?) rub this in his face.
AMIR: (smiling) I know. Ok me too.
JAKE: (On the phone) Uh, yo dude, I--
AMIR: (Leaning over and grabbing Jake's arm to yell into his phone) HHHEY YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHI--
[Amir is playing the same chord repeatedly on an acoustic guitar with a bored look on his face.]
AMIR: (Singing) Jeff is an asshole, Rosie's an asshole, I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with Patrick Cassels...
[Jake is on the phone with Kunal, covering Amir's mouth and restraining him from talking into the phone as Amir tries to yell through Jake's hand.]
JAKE: (Into his phone) Hey, Kunal, it's Jake, ahh, just call me back, alright? We'll ahh, I just gotta talk to you. Alright. See you later.
[Amir is continuing his song.]
AMIR: (singing) I don't see why you wanna hang out with anyonnne else, buuut meeeeee...
JAKE: (continuing the song while Amir holds the note over the word me) Stop stop stop stop stop stop noww... (He grabs the guitar from Amir)
[A shot of the TV shows the score is 11-1]
AMIR: (falsetto) Two to one!
JAKE: It's eleven to one. (AMIR: Close game--)
AMIR: Oh ok. I thought those were Roman Numerals.
AMIR: (makes a pbbpbpb horse noise) I think I'm gonna take a nap. Let me know if Kobe (pronounced koab) hits that touchdown. (He leans his head back to rest on the couch.)
JAKE: (makes the same noise) Wrong player, wrong sport, wrong team, and that pronunciation of Kobe's name: intentional?
AMIR: (Thinking) Yeeeeee--
JAKE: Wrong pronunciation of the name. That is a record for you.
AMIR: Huzzah!
JAKE: Not a good one.
AMIR: Zah-hah!
JAKE: Not a word.
[Amir covers Jake's eyes while coming to sit back down on the couch.]
AMIR: Guess who! (laughs)
JAKE: No one else is here, and you came from the front of me, so that's pretty easy--
AMIR: I clogged your toilet. I clogged it.
JAKE: (sighs). Use too much paper, huh?
AMIR: (shakes his head). No I didn't use any paper, so I guess guess again?
(Amir farts loudly.)
JAKE: Ohh my God.
(Amir farts again, shorter.)
AMIR: I'm done. (He farts a third time, even shorter).
[Jake is on his iPhone.]
JAKE: Where is everybody? I invited everyone over like an hour ago.
AMIR: I know, it's so weird. Well, I guess it makes sense if you think about it, cuz like a lot of 'em were talk-- honestly, a lot of 'em were like talking shit about us, and I was like, I dunno, it's like weird, because like, you have to think about it, do you want those types of people at your house if you-- I mean if you have the choice, maybe you would rather not. Like do you have-- do you have any wine? (He farts loudly again).
(During Amir's line, a shot of Jake's apartment door is shown with a handwritten note by Amir that says Hey Guys, Sum1 I don't know died. Don't call me I'll call you. My party has been CANCELLED =), signed Jake)
END.