(Jake turns on lights)
Jake: Amir? What's up, is everything okay? What's the emergency?
Amir: I knew you'd find me here.
Jake: Yeah, you told me exactly where to come.
Amir: Y'know, not a day goes by that I don't think about your mother.
Jake: So no emergency?
Amir: You were confirmed in a church like this. Not much bigger than this actually.
Jake: No, I wasn't ever confirmed. You called me five times begging me to come here. You wept on the phone.
Amir: She never even got to see you play lacrosse. How do you think that makes me feel.
Jake: Okay, tell me if you remember leaving me these three voice mails.
(pulls out phone)
Amir (trying to talk over message): Okay, when I think about how your brother and you treated her, it just kills me--
Voicemail: Dude it's Amir, this is an emergency, it's an emergency, if you don't come I think I'm definitely OH MY GOD I'M GONNA DIE!
Jake this is not a joke, I think I'm definitely gonna die--
Amir: Allright fine, turn it off, okay?! And relax! There is an emergency!
Jake: Okay what is it?
Amir: I wanna shoot a chill-ass lip dub in here. Just like a chill-ass lip dub in a church.
Jake: A lip dub?
Amir: Yeah it's like basically you lip sync a song and we put the music underneath, so it looks like you're singing.
Jake: In an abandoned church in Poughkeepsie.
Amir: Whatever, in a thing, I don't know, but like, as I'm singing, like set fire to shit, and at the end it just goes pfff, and it explodes, so...
Jake: So what's the emergency?
Amir: I don't know, a church blowing up. Is that-it sounds like an emergency to me.
Jake: Yeah, it's an emergency you're causing. I guess I'm glad I came here to stop you from burning down a church.
Amir: Not only that, but you have to shoot it for me too. You have to be the one who shoots it because I'm the one who's singing, and then what are you gonna bring to the table.
Jake: I'm gonna go.
Amir: Ah, w-w-w-wait a second.
(Piercing scream in the background)
Jake: Jesus. I'm gonna go!
Amir: Wait, c'mon, you said you'd shoot it, right?
Jake: No.
Amir: Okay, then say it now then, please.
(Blink 182-All the Small Things plays, with Amir lip syncing)
All the small things
True care truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride best trip--
(Camera drops)
Amir: C'mon, hey c'mon.
Jake: No!
Amir: Are you going to get gasoline? Get diesel!