(open scene. AMIR is bouncing on a balance ball and Jake, annoyed, is looking at his computer screen)
AMIR: Would you rather have--
JAKE: Whoa, whoa I said you could sit here quietly and bounce as long as you didn't interrupt anything I was doing.
AMIR: Fine! Would you rather have an infinite amount of chicken nuggets or an infinite amount of money?
JAKE: (sighs) Um... wow. Oh, geeze. That's tough. Where are the nuggets from?
AMIR: Yes, that's what I asked! Yeah! They're chicken McNuggets from the D's! (bouncing rapidly) From the D's! From the D's! From the D's!
JAKE: Oh, from the D's, from the D's...Um, I guess definitely the money. I'd take the infinite amount of money.
AMIR: Uh, okay. Where would you put the money?
JAKE: Oh, uh--
AMIR: All of a sudden it's more difficult--
JAKE: No, I'd probably put it into a bank or something. Uh, like, where would you put your infinity nuggets?
(pause)
AMIR: In my stomach.
JAKE: In your stomach. Okay, that would kill you. You would die.
AMIR: Straight up.
JAKE: Straight up, you have a human stomach and you would die. Here's a would you rather from me. (AMIR is now lying down on his balance ball so you can only see his exposed torso) Would you rather go onto your side of the desk and just--do some work and let me appreciate you and value our friendship (AMIR sits up) because you respect me or--
AMIR: Okay here's an impression...!
JAKE: Or would you rather be a fucking loud piece of crap--
AMIR: (cutting JAKE off) Here's an impression! Ah!
JAKE: Know that you're being--
AMIR: Ah!
JAKE: What is that, you're just not gonna let me talk--
AMIR: Ahhhh. All right, here's an impression. (takes glasses off)
JAKE: Fine. Of what?
AMIR: Here's an impression of a normal guy.
JAKE: Great.
AMIR: You know what's a super neat invention? God, I don't know if it has a name but those luggages on wheels are the most convenient thing in the world. Like, I graduated college three years ago, and I find myself travelling a lot more, just--the difference between holding one of these luggages and rolling them? It's night and day. It's absolutely night and day. And these airports are so expansive! I mean, have you been to the new airport in Atlanta? Terminal A's on one side of the city, I feel like I need an airplane to get to the other side of the airport. I mean, it's just absolutely obscene. And--you know I'm a jogger. I mean, I like to jog. But the problem isn't the jogging, it's--it's stopping, right when I stop, I'm feeling this--this tightness in my arch and in my toes. And, you know, I go to the orthopedic surgeon and he's telling me it's plain orphochitis and I want a second recommendation, it's just unbelievable what kind of--and I am blabbing so much about myself and I cannot believe how self-centered I've been. We should get some coffee one time this week. What are you doing on Thursday? I'm going to an opera or such, I don't know, some gay shit like that, it's just like a work in progress you know? I don't know... (puts glasses on) Here's a would you rather that's a freestyle! Would you rather hump a moose, a big dead--(falls off of balance ball)