Office
AMIR: Whoa, I just realized that if I stare at the back of your computer for 3 hours it looks like 2 elephants masturbating.
SARAH: Hey Jake are you busy?
AMIR: Yes!
JAKE: No, actually.
SARAH: I found this really cool friendship quiz and I thought we could take it.
AMIR: Oh that's super cool why don't I save you ten minutes and let you know that Jake and I are BBF's, so it doesn't even matter what you get on a quiz.
JAKE: Why don't you shut up for ten minutes, and I can tell you that Sarah and I have been best friends since we were little, and she's gonna know everything.
All right, ready?
SARAH: Yeah.
JAKE: What is my favorite movie?
AMIR: Shawshank Redemption.
JAKE: Okay, you're ruining it for Sarah, right?
SARAH: But I knew that, so.
JAKE: Yeah, that's easy.
All right, What's my favorite food?
AMIR: [High pitched voice] Annie's macaroni and cheese. [Normal Voice] Jake, Annie's macaroni and cheese.
JAKE: It's Annie's macaroni and cheese, good job interrupting.
SARAH: I mean I was just gonna say straight cheese, so.
AMIR: Well you were gonna be straight wrong, so.
JAKE: Straight close.
AMIR: Straight close but no straight cigar.
Jake.
JAKE: Here's one, and Amir's gonna shut up.
What's my mom's job?
SARAH: Oh, I know this she's a teacher.
JAKE: Exactly.
AMIR: Incorrect, she was a teacher but two weeks ago she arrived at school completely stoned... So they fired her.
SARAH: Jesus!
JAKE: Fuck, how did you know that!?
AMIR: She called me.
JAKE: Called you?
AMIR: Well she called you but I picked up. You know, my voice sounds a lot like yours when I go like this: [Jake's voice] Hey mom, tell me more about dad.
SARAH: God, that's so creepy.
[Jake sighs]
SARAH: Oh listen, don't freak out just because he knows everything about you it doesn't matter it has to go both ways.
AMIR: Jake knows everything on that list about me...
Don't you Jake?
Don't you Jake?
Don't you Jake?
JAKE: [Interrupts Amir] I'm thinking!
What's my favorite movie?
[Flashback]
AMIR: Jake, can you tell them what it is.
JAKE: It's Freddy Got Fingered.
AMIR: Thank you.
[Flashback ends]
What's my favorite food?
[Flashback]
AMIR: I have a chicken nugget in my pocket!
[Flashback ends]
What's my mom's job?
[Flashback]
AMIR: She's a registered nurse.
She's a registered nurse.
Nurse.
Nurse.
Nurse.
Nurse.
[Flashback ends]
JAKE: Oh my god. We are BFF's.
THE END
WATCH THE EPISODE