Jake and Amir are at their desks
Pat is sitting at his desk
JAKE: (to Pat) Oh hey Pat,
PAT: Yeah?
JAKE: Can I ask you about your book?
PAT: Really?
AMIR: (Laughing) Pat's reading?!
JAKE: (To Pat) I just want to know what you're reading actually.
PAT: Oh I didn't know you were interested in this.
AMIR: (Still laughing) Yeah I wanna know what you're reading too actually, gimme the book. Lemme see it.
PAT: (Handing the book to Amir) (To Amir) Sure, absolutely. (To Jake) I just can't believe you guys wanna hear--it's one of my favorite book it's called Portnoy's Complaint.
AMIR: (Over Pat) (Laughing) Yeah, yeah I think it's my favorite book.
JAKE: (To Pat) Oh, you know I've heard of that. What's...
PAT: Well it's about this young guy who grows up in New Jersey...
AMIR: (Over Pat) (Still laughing) (Flipping through the pages with the book facing Jake, so he can see) Jake look. It's all text.
PAT: Jake are you even paying attention?
JAKE: I'm sorry-I'm sorry yeah.
AMIR: (Laughing) (Over Jake and Pat) Jake. Jake there's no pictures.
PAT: Anyway it's about this young guy who grows up in Newark, and he has this really overbearing fam--
Amir rips a page out of the book and laughs.
PAT: (Angrily) What the hell?!
AMIR: Relax it's called a practical joke. Jake makes you think like you're not a worthless nerd for half a second...
JAKE: No.
AMIR: ...and I destroy your book.
PAT: (To Jake) Jake.
JAKE: (Disbelieving) You're just gonna believe him?
PAT: That's how it works?
JAKE: No that's not how it works!
PAT: (To Jake)Little comedy duo, Abbott and Costello...
AMIR: (Over Pat) Relax, yeah we're Abbaca salads. Just relax.
PAT: (To Jake)...you set me up, he knocks me down.
AMIR: Yeah, you set me up and I'll knock his down.
Jake tries to say something, but Pat doesn't let him.
PAT: Why don't you move into an apartment together? Write sketches....
AMIR: (Over Pat) Hey, come on now! Relax!
Jake, Amir, and Pat all talk over each other.
JAKE: (Sarcastically) Yeah what a great idea, move into an apartment with my best friend (inaudible) over there.
AMIR: Guys SHUTUP for a second. (Jake and Pat shutup.) Jake, we should live together in an apartment. I told you that my dad says we could spend 10,000 dollars a month on a loft.
JAKE: (Surprised) What?
AMIR: What?
PAT: (To Jake) Fuck you.
JAKE: (To Pat) Fuck you!
Jake and Pat slap at each other.
PAT: (As he gets up to leave) Alright, forget the whole thing, alright.
As Pat walks by Amir, Amir hits him in the leg with the book.
PAT: (Falling, in pain) Ah!
Amir tosses the book towards Pat.
Black screen.
Pat is in a small room talking on the phone.
PAT: Hey, Mom....it's Pat....your son....you were right about the books....they just wanted to rip them up.