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DVD Part 3

Episode ID: 144

Air date: 2008-08-28

Video: Link

Scribe: u/fwavoy

[Non-POV. Jake, Pat, Amir, and Rosie are at a table. This episode begins at the end of the previous one.]

JAKE: Y'know, Rosie was there! Why don't we ask him?

PAT: Fine. Rosie, what happened?

ROSIE: Well...

[POV: Rosie. Rosie is on the computer. Jake is bent over on his hands and knees in the background, doing push-ups with only his upper body.]

JAKE: Rosie! Look at me. Rosie. How many have I done?

ROSIE: Twelve. But you really shouldn't be doing girl pushups--

JAKE: Shut up. You know I have weak ankles.

[Rosie goes back to watching YouTube videos.]

JAKE: Anyway... how do my tri's look?

ROSIE: I dunno. Normal?

JAKE: Fuck you. They're ginormous.

[Amir knocks on the door.]

JAKE: God dammit, Amir's here. This sucks.

[Jake opens the door. Amir is there. Contrary to Jake's story, he's fully clothed.]

JAKE: What.

AMIR: 'Sup!

[Amir slaps him, and laughs.]

JAKE: I hate you.

AMIR: Hey, Rosie!

[Amir lunges at Rosie with a fist, as if to punch him. Rosie flinches. Then, Amir slips his flip-flops off.]

JAKE: So you think you're at home? This isn't your home.

AMIR: [singing] It's my dick inside one! It's my dick insiiiide one.

JAKE: Shut the fuck up.

AMIR: ...Sorrow.

JAKE: Can me and Jeff please just have one night to ourselves without you barging in here like an asshole? Do you even know how much I fucking hate you?

ROSIE: Whoa.

AMIR: Whoa... is right.

[Amir gasps, and picks up a DVD sitting beside him.]

AMIR: [mostly unintelligible, in his high-pitched voice] Who dis DVD? Who dis chill-ass dude on dis DVD w'dat curly hair?

JAKE: [to Rosie] You see this? This--

AMIR: [still high-pitched] Who dat chill-ass d--

JAKE: It's-- it's Seth Rogen, okay? Everybody knows that.

AMIR: I know.

JAKE: It's not my DVD, so put it the fuck down.

[Amir opens it.]

AMIR: Let me just burn a copy.

JAKE: You're gonna scuff it up.

AMIR: I'm not gonna do anything. Let me just burn it, and then... maybe we can have a sleepover?

JAKE: Don't even ask me that, okay? You know the ans--

[Amir is trying to light the DVD on fire with his lighter.]

JAKE: Are you crazy? Let me-- give it--

[Jake tries to grab the DVD from Amir. As they struggle the DVD cracks and crumples.]

AMIR: Stop, you're gonna break it!

JAKE: I don't care! I want you out of my life!

[Non-POV. Present.]

JAKE: Okay. You know what? I feel bad. [holds out money] Here.

[Pat takes the bill.]

PAT: Thank you. Thank you.

AMIR: And... I feel bad too, so, here. [holds out a paper towel]

PAT: Its-- a paper towel?

AMIR: Well, take it before I change my mind.

[Amir throws the paper towel onto the table, then picks up the busted DVD.]

AMIR: Can I borrow this?

END

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