AMIR: OK, uh, just because nobody likes us doesn't mean we shouldn't go out strong tonight.
JAKE: All right.
AMIR: Hey, listen to me. Tonight is going to be - CRA-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
(They are in Jake's apartment)
AMIR: AAAAAYYYYYYY--
JAKE: Stop!
AMIR: Question. You haven't had a single McNugget yet.
JAKE: Yes, I have.
AMIR: Let me finish! Why?
AMIR: Somebody sauce me! Right now.
JAKE: OK, can I have my phone?
AMIR: Nah, you are good. (high pitched) Tonight is about sans phone.
JAKE: (sing-song) Sans phone. Sans phone.
AMIR: Tonight is sans phone, yeah.
AMIR: Let me guess, you're sad. You know what? People at work suck shit. My birthday sucked and you don't see me crying about it.
JAKE: Yeah, you're crying about it right now.
AMIR: (whining) Well it was depressing as hell, I was all alone!
(party going on elsewhere)
GUY: Yo, where's Jake?
PAT: No idea, I called him like a dozen times.
GUY: Oh, I think he's with Amir actually.
GIRL: Did you even invite Amir?
PAT: No, Jake hates Amir. Straight to voicemail.
(back to Amir and Jake)
AMIR: Who dat sick-ass dude with that fly ass gift? Who dat sick-ass dude with that fly ass gift?
JAKE: What is it?
AMIR: It's uh, whatever. It's, uh, anything you want it to be.
JAKE: It's a condom holder.
AMIR: Boom. So.
JAKE: I didn't want it to be that.
AMIR: OK, well why'd you put a comdon in it?
JAKE: Can I just have my phone, actually?
AMIR: Ah, come on. Why-
JAKE: Oh my god! Seventeen missed calls.
AMIR: Seventeen?
JAKE: Ten text messages.
AMIR: Proba-Those are all for me.
JAKE: Nope. It's Pat. He says that everyone is at Cullen's.
AMIR: Heehee, yeah right. Pat's at the vet. He's probably just still trying to fuck with you. All right? Honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly-
JAKE: Honestly what?
AMIR: Hones-
JAKE: What?
AMIR: I'm going to kill him.
JAKE: OK.
AMIR: Straight up.
JAKE: Straight up, I'm going to go to Cullen's.
AMIR: Aye-waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait-wait for me then. Let me just take a super-super-quick power nap. Super tired from all this pre-gaming. (high pitched) Supah tired from all this pre-gaming! Honestly...Jake.
TO BE CONTINUED.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4spf6qNVX9Y