AMIR: SUP?! Do you know what the date is today?
JAKE: It's August 5th.
AMIR: August 5th. Ugh, I guess I don't know anyone whose birthday it is today so I'll talk to you later.
JAKE: OK.
AMIR: Waitwaitwait-I'm just kidding. It's...Nile...Armstrang...
JAKE: Neil Armstrong.
AMIR: Birthd-
JAKE: Yeah, the astronaut.
AMIR: -Astronautty as hell, so, anybody else's birthday is today?
JAKE: Today is my birthday.
AMIR: Ah-Ah-Ah! I didn't hear that, I didn't say anything so-lalala-I'm not planning your party so don't be surprised.
JAKE: Don't be-don't be surprised?
AMIR: One second. (goes to Sarah) Sarah, hey-ah, sorry-ae, throwing-ae Jake-ae a birthday-ae surprise party-ae tonight at a McDonalds just ya-(high pitched) yay or nay?
SARAH: I mean, do you think that's pig latin?
AMIR: Yeah.
SARAH: OK, well, still no, I still can't go out tonight, sorry.
AMIR: OK. Jake always hated you.
(goes to Pat)
AMIR: Right off the bat I think you're a piece of shit and I don't respect you but Jake might want you at his surprise party so if you want to go, figure out where it is and you can attend. OK?
PAT: I can't, Amir. I have to take my cat to the vet.
AMIR: OK, good. I hope you both die, so...
PAT: You hope my cat and my vet die?
AMIR: No, I hope you and your vet dies. (leaves)
(approaches Rosie)
AMIR: Surprise party for Jake tonight?
ROSIE: I can't go, sorry.
(Amir makes to punch Rosie, Rosie flinches)
ROSIE: AH!
(Jake approaches Sarah)
JAKE: Hey, Sarah, you coming to my 'surprise' party? (chuckles)
SARAH: (chuckles) Oh, uh, no, I'm actually busy tonight, so...
JAKE: You want to do something else? Drinks?
SARAH: Uh-no.
JAKE: OK, maybe later?
SARAH: Probably not.
JAKE: So you're saying there's a chance!
(they both chuckle faintly)
JAKE: All right, bye.
(Amir is standing next to a girl at her computer)
AMIR: Surprise party tonight?
GIRL: I'm not allowed to leave the office.
AMIR: I don't even know your name, so...
(Amir standing next to a different girl)
GIRL 2: I can't, I'm sorry.
AMIR: Jake always thought you smelled like shit.
(Amir is now by Jeff's desk)
JEFF: No.
AMIR: OK, I didn't even ask you.
JEFF: Yes, you did.
AMIR: Yes, but, I take it back.
(Jake approaches Pat)
JAKE: Yo! Birthday drinks tonight?
PAT: Oh, um, I can't, I'm busy, I'm sorry.
JAKE: ...you're not still pissed abou--
PAT: No, NO! I just, I just can't do that, I'm sorry.
JAKE: All right, cool, well I'm going to go. If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer! ...but I am probably just going to go, so...
(makes to approach Hallie but walks on)
JAKE: Somebody stop me!
(Jake enters elevator and Amir follows)
AMIR: Hey! Where are you going?
JAKE: (deflated) Home.
AMIR: OK, uh, just because nobody likes us doesn't mean we shouldn't go out strong tonight.
JAKE: All right.
AMIR: Hey, listen to me. Tonight is going to be - CRA-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
TO BE CONTINUED.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hni181iYLcA