(Amir opens the blinds in the room and then jumps on Jake in bed)
AMIR: (laughs) Jake.
JAKE: Come on. Ow!
AMIR: I yelled at your aunt. It's 6:15, it's 12:35 New York time.
JAKE: It's 9:15 New York time.
AMIR: Whatevah.
JAKE: Not whatever.
(Jake is brushing teeth in bathroom)
AMIR: What are you doing? You're on vacation! (chuckles) While we're out here, I ain't shaving, I ain't showering and I sure as hell ain't brushing. I might not even take a shit. (high pitched) For real.
(Jake is standing by the pool)
AMIR: Get the fuck away from that...water thing, I'm serious.
JAKE: The pool?
(Jake is on the computer)
AMIR: By the way, Ricky is pi-ossed. He called me earlier and he was like, 'where the fuck are you, dude?'. (chuckles)
JAKE: He's pissed at you.
AMIR: What?
(Walking outside to the car)
AMIR: Hey, where are we going now?
JAKE: My cousin's apartment.
AMIR: OK, let me drive there.
JAKE: OK, you are definitely not.
AMIR: OK, let me drive there right now, or I'm going to go back inside and fuc--
(inside the car, Amir is behind the wheel)
AMIR: OK, what is 'R'? (car moves, Amir laughs) Whoa, oh my god, did you feel that?
JAKE: Let me drive ri--
(Amir is driving on the highway)
JAKE: OK, so what is happening?
AMIR: STOP RECORDING, PLEASE, JUST TAKE THE WHEEL, I DON'T KN-I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE, THIS SUCKS!
JAKE: I'll take the wheel if you tell--
AMIR: (lets go of wheel and shakes fists, yelling over Jake) I want to go home! I want to go home!
JAKE: --me who should be driving right now. WELL HOLD ON TO IT!
AMIR: (takes wheel again) OK, well, chill. Now you're making me nervous.
(Amir attempting to sing along with the song on the radio . . . poorly)
JAKE: Not close. Not even close at all.
(continues to sing, cuts to Amir with hands off the wheel again, dancing)
AMIR: Jake, whoa! (takes wheel) Ah, watch- help me out, a little.
(walking in a parking garage)
AMIR: (chuckles) Jake, it's like that episode of Seinfeld!
JAKE: Only not funny.
AMIR: (laughs) With the jerking off, it's everyone's favorite episode.
JAKE: (over Amir) -And the wrong episode. Please! Just look around, does any of it look familiar? Do you see the car?
AMIR: I already told you, I gave it to a valet, let's just relax.
JAKE: That's the first time you told me that because this place doesn't have a valet!
AMIR: Ok, sheesh. Uh, relax, he was wearing jeans. He was super excited when I gave him the keys.
JAKE: Yeah, I bet he was. The keys to my aunt's car, right?
AMIR: One second. What color is it? White?
(walking outside)
AMIR: Jake, idea!
JAKE: About how to get the car back?
AMIR: No, better. I'm going to lay on the floor and you jump over me and I'll do it in slow motion. It's going to look sick nasty!
JAKE: Man, you lost the c--
(Approaching the In-and-Out Burger at night)
AMIR: (whining) What are we doing? It's late!
JAKE: It's eight!
AMIR: It's late-thirty.
JAKE: It's eight thirty and just relax, we're meeting my friends at In and Out.
AMIR: What's that?
JAKE: It's-it's like McDonalds, just shut up, please.
AMIR: Your friends better not be ass-tards.
JAKE: (to friends) Hey!
FRIEND #1: Hey! What's up man? How are ya?
AMIR: (shakes friend's hand) Hey, I'm Amir. Jake's new best friend. (shakes Friend #2's hand) Hi, I'm Amir, Jake's new best friend. (goes to third friend) Hey, Jake's new best friend. (fourth friend) Hey, Jake's new best friend. (back to Friend #2) Did I meet you before?
FRIEND #2: Yeah.
AMIR: Jake's new best friend.
FRIEND #2: Why he is here?
JAKE: Can you--
(cuts to them ordering)
AMIR: Hey, sorry guys, one second, I need a word alone with my new best friend. (grabs Jake by head)
JAKE: Oh my god!
AMIR: Hey, you said this place was like McDonalds, right?
JAKE: Let go of my fucking head.
AMIR: You said this place was like McDonalds. So why did they just fucking laugh at me when I ordered Chicken McNuggets, huh? Huh?!
(They're eating at a table)
AMIR: Fellas, guy walks face first into a bar, a metal bar. Ouch. (chuckles, no one laughs) All right, Jake, let's go.
JAKE: No.
AMIR: Right now! ...I mean, I'm not asking you.
JAKE: Yeah, you should though. You should at least do me do me that courtesy.
AMIR: LET'S GO N--!!
(Amir is sleeping on table bench)
FRIEND #3: Is he really just asleep? That quickly?
FRIEND #4: That's almost impressive.
JAKE: It's sad.
(they start throwing french fries at the amir)
THE END.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6Gg1rycNs8