[Introduction]

Jake: Hey, you're watching Jake and Amir.

Amir: No, I'm recording intros.

Jake: Leave, man.

[Jake and Amir at their desks]

Amir (listening to his headphones): laughing Right in the kisser.

Jake: Hey, um...

Amir (Talking to his headphones): Hold on one second... What?

Jake: a lot of people have been complaining to me.

Amir: And you believe them?!

Jake: I haven't said what it is yet.

Amir: Okay, I set up a spy cam in the women's restroom. Sue me.

Jake: Wow. They might.

Amir: Okay, then I'll countersue. How's that? Two sues for the price of one.

Jake: It's about your stench.

Amir: Or lack thereof. laugh

Jake: No, not a lack thereof, exactly what I said. Okay? You reek of shit.

Amir: Jealous much?

Jake: I'm not jealous. Look, this isn't going away, alright? You smell like you're dead.

Amir: I'll apologize, but I'm not gonna shower.

Jake: That's not good enough, then. We all want the exact opposite.

Amir: I said I was sorry!

Jake: First of all you didn't, second of all we don't want your apology, we want you to take a shower.

Amir: Okay, this is catching me way off guard.

Jake: Is it really? Because last week a bunch of people chased you with a hose and soap.

Amir: I thought that was a goof!

Jake: Why would that be a goof? You whispered something to Sarah and she got an ear infection.

Amir: Alright, you think I give a flaming fart what people say, man?

(Amir pulls his legs up and grabs a lighter)

Jake: I know you don't. Don't do that.

(Amir lights a flame, starts to fart, and leak shit through his khakis as he moans)

Amir: Oh, no! Oh, anyhoot!

Jake: No! No! Not anyhoot, okay? You have to go change your pants now.

Amir: Why, 'cause I farted? Wow. It was a toot. An SBD, so NBD, on NBC (to the NBC chime) laughs

Jake: You leaked shit into your khakis.

Amir: Yeah, ever heard of I'll clean it after work? So shut up.

Jake: No. I haven't ever heard of (starts yelling) sharting your pants, with wet diarrhea, and then waiting a full five hours to clean it up, okay? That is the first time I've ever heard of that.

Amir: Losers wipe, okay? Winners go home and f*** the prom queen.

Jake: You're not gonna f*** anybody. It looks like you sat on a water balloon filled with chili.

Amir: Okay, you think I give a flaming fart-

(Amir kicks up his legs again)

Jake: Oh my god, it smells like gasoline and fish.